Do the Work

How often have you heard “Do the work” concerning self-discovery and healing? Our reaction varies depending on the circumstances. I’ve felt confused, angry, and determined. Now I feel a deep sense of understanding from digging deep into my shadow side.

A Piece of the Journey

Today I’m offering a glimpse into my experience that may provide hope. First, of course, it would be nice if I could hand you an action list for finding your direct route to do the work. But, for me, the trip has been circuitous.

As I started writing, I was sidetracked by a desire to look back at the first time I saw my natal chart. Then, I was drawn to reading my notes from the astrologer C. A. Brooks. Finally, I remembered to date my notes. It was June 11, 2014, in Denver, Colorado.

Pondering the phrase, be the teacher and student, reminded me how much I’ve learned by sharing here. Other words loomed; balance, refine, leadership, allow. When desired behaviors are challenging, they come up again and again.

How I Dug Deep

On May 5, 2021, I had a session with Katie Klein on using the Radical Forgiveness worksheet developed by Colin Tipping. Again, I felt the potential for deep healing during the process but also my resistance. So, like the organized person I am, I saved the file and didn’t think about it again until recently. Multiple times, I’ve heard references to Radical Forgiveness. So, I took action.

Over the last month, I’ve completed four worksheets with my most significant relationships. But I’m not finished. So there is a blank one sitting on the table next to me. It isn’t intimidating, but I like having it handy when my intuition says, “It’s time.”

How Did I Know it was Working?

It was emotionally and physically painful. As I read each step on the worksheet aloud, the answer came to my mind. Then I surrendered to the deep emotions. Between the tears and gasps for air, I vocalized my feelings and wrote them down.

I’m not alone in this. Fellow healers Meredith Johnson, Migdalia Rodriguez, and Mary Toland Shaw support my shadow work with personal healing sessions and spiritual coaching. Their insight, compassion, and comfort brought me more profound healing of old wounds.

In the past, I’ve sought clinical therapists who also helped me through more obvious turning points; post-menopausal depression, the suicide of my spouse, and sudden public emotional outbursts.

Please, don’t give up. You deserve happiness and fulfillment. Your unique experiences are gifts to open, appreciate, and move forward with the universe’s support. Each step brings you closer to the life you are meant to enjoy.

Discover Your Uniqueness

I invite you to click on any healing modalities I’ve mentioned. Or, if you feel too overwhelmed, follow this guide to calm your anxiety and further explore your next step.

With love and compassion,
Dawn

Filling Up Your Self-love Tank

How are you filling up your self-love tank?

Taking a month off from writing my blog was about self-love through inaction. But how can you actively fill up your self-love tank?

The last month has been a time of reflection, healing, and slow integration into my local community. So it was a perfect time to focus on self-care.

Since February is referred to as the month of love, I wanted to start this blog with how I spent my afternoon on Valentine’s Day.

First, I visited the Coast to Coast Impressionism Exhibit in the Blowing Rock Art and History Museum. For at least a year, I’ve wanted to see it. What do you think stopped me? Conversely, why do you think I went on a holiday about love? How did you spend Valentine’s Day?

HOW I FELT DURING MY VISIT

I felt connected to the locations as I slowly wandered through this exhibit. The western scenes brought me back to my years in Colorado, including the many weekend trips to visit my parents, who had moved to La Garita, Colorado, from Polk County, Florida.

The eastern scenes are closely related to my current area in North Carolina. And the still life paintings transported me to fond memories of painting in oils during my thirties in West Orange County, Florida.

My heart expanded throughout my wanderings, including the history exhibit and photography winners on the second floor. There wasn’t a bit of sadness. Instead, I felt gratitude and appreciation for my decision to feed my soul. I thought, “This is one way of filling up your self-love tank.”

Looking at all the beautiful art made me thirsty and hungry. Since it was a little after 4 pm on Valentine’s Day, my options were limited. I had noticed a neon ‘OPEN’ sign at Six Pence Pub just as I turned the corner off Main Street toward my favorite parking area. The thought of authentically British Fish and Chips had been on my mind for weeks.

The staff was attentive and helpful before their busy time ahead. My Guinness Black and Tan was fantastic, and the array of Royal Doulton Toby mugs before me kept me busy trying to identify them. Of course, I recognized Churchill but had no idea it was explicitly the #9 Churchill Bulldog jug of the year for 1992.

But it was King Henry VIII and his six wives that required opening up a Google search. I only missed two.

Which Toby Mug caught your attention first?

WHAT ELSE STANDS OUT IN FEBRUARY?

I’m the queen of self-discovery through online personality tests. Besides being entertaining, the results explain why I like them so much! I digress.

When I took Strengths Finder 2.0 in 2009, I discovered my strengths: Learner, Harmony, Input, Connectedness, and Relator.

  • Yes, I love learning new things, including reading all the texts in the museum. (Learner)
  • Looking at the Toby mugs lined up before me, I smiled. (Harmony)
  • Researching facts about the Toby mugs makes my day! (Input)
  •  Please let me know your thoughts on this blog in the comments or signup for my newsletter. (Connectedness)
  • Socializing is important to me, even if social media is currently my primary method. Follow me, and I’ll follow you! (Relator)

Therefore, it’s not surprising that I signed up for three online courses last month. The first one I’m delving into is The Complete Guide to Smartphone Photography. Once before, I signed up for a similar approach that was deeply into social media sharing. However, I quit within a few weeks. Why? Because I kept comparing my results to the other 10,000 people in the course!

Using Portrait and Noir

One of the assignments involved using each of the possibilities of my iPhone native camera application. I found the Noir filter while using the Portrait mode. Do you ever use filters on your Smartphone?

I can’t end with a colorless photo. Spring bulbs are blooming everywhere in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Sunny daffodils catch my attention as I drive on familiar roads. Their cheerfulness is welcome after a dreary, wet winter. And almost no snow at my elevation.

But the Iris reticulata I planted last fall have popped up, releasing their cheerful colors. Although they are small and not so easy to spot, I imagine the bulbs multiplying over the next few years to offer a field of blue and purple on the hillside beside my driveway.

How are you filling up your self-love tank? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

With love and compassion,
Dawn

Look Back or Gaze Forward

Is it better to look back or gaze forward? Which path will bring you to the pinnacle of your life purpose?

Look Back with Wisdom

In my life, I looked back with self-judgment and loathing, never understanding the concept of:

  • Taking a bird’s eye view
  • Determining the errors
  • Understanding the why
  • Imagining alternative behaviors
  • Embracing love and compassion

This simple plan of reviewing with acceptance is the essence of learning from our past choices.

Here is an example from my life.

  • My marriage ended in divorce.
  • The relationship was based on looking for a self-love substitute.
  • Why did I engage in self-destructive behavior?
  • If I knew then what I know now.
  • My choices were necessary for me.

Of course, this is a significant life event. Yet the simplicity of this process breaks it down into digestible bites, releasing the nutrients within.

When I understood the complexity and depth of my suffering, it was much easier to give myself a break. So it’s easier to give others a break, which results in a kinder existence for everyone.

What was the timeline for this example?

a more direct pathThe marriage lasted twenty-three years. Since I didn’t engage in looking back with wisdom, I repeated my behaviors over another twenty-four years. Over the last year, several aha moments resulted in true love and compassion for myself. That’s a total of forty-eight years.

My hope for you is a more direct path toward self-understanding.

Yet, I’ve smiled through it all. The difference today is my smile is filled with joy rather than merely a lifelong coping mechanism.

Gaze Forward with Hope

Before, I used lists and control to examine the past year.

In contrast, my previous twelve months were spent feeling rather than analyzing, which resulted in a culmination of healing that needs no examination. Furthermore, the lists for the coming year also come from feelings.

First, I made a short list of when I feel joy; being in nature, creating, learning, and sharing.

Second, I allowed ideas to flow. These became the core of my New Year plan.

  • I love my body with exercise and nutritious foods
  • Write from my heart
  • Take a chance on painting again
  • Explore my local community
  • Contemplate a physical gift for the world

Third, the first action steps emerged.

The Best Part is

Rather than a list of must-do projects, I have broad ideas that can morph into festive activities by checking in through a daily morning meditative practice.

It’s not about whether it is better to look back or gaze forward. Instead, it’s about exploring within to find your joyful uniqueness. This is the basis for a happy life.

With love and compassion,
Dawn