Do the Work

How often have you heard “Do the work” concerning self-discovery and healing? Our reaction varies depending on the circumstances. I’ve felt confused, angry, and determined. Now I feel a deep sense of understanding from digging deep into my shadow side.

A Piece of the Journey

Today I’m offering a glimpse into my experience that may provide hope. First, of course, it would be nice if I could hand you an action list for finding your direct route to do the work. But, for me, the trip has been circuitous.

As I started writing, I was sidetracked by a desire to look back at the first time I saw my natal chart. Then, I was drawn to reading my notes from the astrologer C. A. Brooks. Finally, I remembered to date my notes. It was June 11, 2014, in Denver, Colorado.

Pondering the phrase, be the teacher and student, reminded me how much I’ve learned by sharing here. Other words loomed; balance, refine, leadership, allow. When desired behaviors are challenging, they come up again and again.

How I Dug Deep

On May 5, 2021, I had a session with Katie Klein on using the Radical Forgiveness worksheet developed by Colin Tipping. Again, I felt the potential for deep healing during the process but also my resistance. So, like the organized person I am, I saved the file and didn’t think about it again until recently. Multiple times, I’ve heard references to Radical Forgiveness. So, I took action.

Over the last month, I’ve completed four worksheets with my most significant relationships. But I’m not finished. So there is a blank one sitting on the table next to me. It isn’t intimidating, but I like having it handy when my intuition says, “It’s time.”

How Did I Know it was Working?

It was emotionally and physically painful. As I read each step on the worksheet aloud, the answer came to my mind. Then I surrendered to the deep emotions. Between the tears and gasps for air, I vocalized my feelings and wrote them down.

I’m not alone in this. Fellow healers Meredith Johnson, Migdalia Rodriguez, and Mary Toland Shaw support my shadow work with personal healing sessions and spiritual coaching. Their insight, compassion, and comfort brought me more profound healing of old wounds.

In the past, I’ve sought clinical therapists who also helped me through more obvious turning points; post-menopausal depression, the suicide of my spouse, and sudden public emotional outbursts.

Please, don’t give up. You deserve happiness and fulfillment. Your unique experiences are gifts to open, appreciate, and move forward with the universe’s support. Each step brings you closer to the life you are meant to enjoy.

Discover Your Uniqueness

I invite you to click on any healing modalities I’ve mentioned. Or, if you feel too overwhelmed, follow this guide to calm your anxiety and further explore your next step.

With love and compassion,

Open the Box of Loneliness

If we open the box of loneliness and look inside, it may look different for individuals and at other times in life.

Open the Box of Loneliness

This past week I looked into my current box of loneliness. It was an exercise I felt strong enough to carry out with the help of a life coach. Each of us must decide when and how we will take a step toward healing. My goal in this article is to help you see whether this is something you want to tackle.

A Little Background

I have experienced many challenging relationships, starting with my mother. Yet, I’ve made significant progress with the help of therapy, holistic healers, meditation, and journaling. Each time I peeled back the layers of emotion to find the source of my pain, there were supportive friends, family, or professionals.

My journey was arduous at times, but as long as I took small steps with someone nearby to help me up when I stumbled, I made it through to the other side.

What is Loneliness?

Don’t we all know what loneliness is? Since it is an emotion, it can be experienced differently by each of us.

For instance, isolation from a pandemic may be a terrible punishment for an extrovert. But on the other hand, some introverts may have breathed a sigh of relief after getting over the initial shock of this experience.

Psychologist Nick Wignall offers a psychological definition:

Loneliness is an emotion characterized by the feeling of pain caused by a perceived lack of intimacy with other people or ourselves.

This definition seems to cover it.

Loneliness Inside a Relationship

Specifically, I’m referring to a romantic relationship. However, one event leaped to the forefront as I reflected on the loneliest moments in my life.

I was driving on an interstate highway, preparing to exit onto another busy divided four-lane road. Although I had been attempting to get my husband to participate in a conversation, the loneliness hit me in my gut at that moment. Then, finally, the words erupted from my mouth.

“I’ve never felt this lonely in my entire life.”

My husband suddenly looked up.

“What do you mean?”

I explained how lonely I felt when he chose to read his Kindle rather than talk to me. Yet, he told me how much he enjoyed my company. The reality was my loneliness would continue due to the differences between us. By this time, I knew I was powerless to change others. Instead, I explored more avenues of self-care.

Loneliness from Grief

When someone has left our lives, this loneliness may be unavoidable. For me, I’m physically alone. My close relatives and friends are far away because I decided to move to a new location before the recent losses of my husband and mother.

A voice inside knew this was my time to deal with grief from eight years ago. At that time, I avoided loneliness by keeping busy at work and hiring someone to replace my deck. Now I have no distractions. My choice is certainly not for everyone. But I knew the only way I would open the box of loneliness was here, where nature comes to visit and my dog, Sugar, comforts me.

Emotions Don’t Have to be Scary.

Dealing with our emotions can be unsettling, especially if we have avoided them in the past. However, taking small steps toward feeling less lonely may be as simple as understanding ourselves better.

While writing this article, I came across Nick Wignall’s articles on mental health. One of my favorite blogs is about self-awareness. Furthermore, finding Nick’s simple website engaging tells me something about myself. His clean, organized, and thorough website epitomizes my need for order. And the smile on my face tells me how much I enjoy helping you with my writing. Thank you for reading.