Tell Them You Love Them Right Now

Is there someone in your life you miss because there is a rift between you? Tell them you love them right now. You know you do, but pride, fear of rejection, or a lack of love for yourself keeps getting in the way.

One Way to Bridge the Gap

  1. Start by closing your eyes.
  2. Now take 3 deep breaths.
  3. Imagine someone you feel so connected with now (like a beloved pet).
  4. Feel that warm feeling filling your heart space.
  5. Next visualize your estranged person smiling at you.
  6. Share the warm heart space energy with them until your whole body feels expanded.
  7. Now dial their number, write a text, compose an email.
  8. “I just want to tell you how much I love you”.

How It Could Have Been

You can take the first step to repair your relationship even if they have passed on. The energy between you still exists and needs healing. Follow the steps above and compose a letter to them. After the first sentence, let the rest flow from your heart, through your hand, onto the paper.

Forgiveness is Key

When you tell them you love them, forgiveness starts. You will feel relief. They may react the same way. The possibility of a conversation lies just ahead.

Real two-way conversations can be daunting, especially when repairing a broken relationship. Here are a few pointers to get started. The first rule of good communication is expressing how you feel, rather than make accusations.

  • “I feel hurt when this happens.”
  • Take it slow.
  • Stay focused on repairing your relationship.
  • Give it time.

Looking for More Help?

It’s difficult to communicate effectively. No one teaches us this skill in school. Certainly, online resources can be very helpful. One of my favorites is VeryWell Mind’s article on healing relationships with a spouse or partner. The same principles work with any personal relationship.

Sending you loving energy,

Have you found something helpful in this article? Leave a comment below or email me. Better yet, signup for my newsletter and we can have a weekly conversation.

What’s on Your Bucket List

What’s on your bucket list? Mine was very loosely formed in the back of my mind until recently. Then a series of seemingly unrelated events coupled with curiosity, facing feelings and taking action resulted in hope found in a bucket list.

Radiation for Cancer

Yesterday, my husband, Wayne, and I met his radiation oncologist, Shravan Kandula, M. D. Dr. Kandula explained the reasons, procedure and side effects of radiation therapy for Wayne. This first appointment was upbeat, encouraging, and easy.

We also met the social worker, Maria. After reading all the information for patients and their families while waiting for the doctor, I noticed a lot of references to psychological difficulties surrounding dealing with cancer. It seemed it didn’t refer to our situation. No, emotional distress was for those dealing with the big ones; breast cancer, lung cancer, colon cancer. Wayne just had a rare Stage 3 cancer in his parotid gland. And the surgeon removed it completely, no cancer in the lymph nodes or anywhere else. But.. radiation will hopefully zap any cancer cells that escaped his scalpel.

But then I started crying today while writing this blog.

Wayne sat next to me, eating cereal, as I’m crying. He’s not into acknowledging feelings.

“Oh, you’re writing your blog. What does blog mean? I assume it’s an acronym.”

Great! Here’s an easy opportunity to turn my feelings off and search for the meaning of blog. It’s short for weblog. Remove the first two letters and you have blog. Phew! That’s better. Now I can get back to writing about these seemingly unrelated events.

Starting a Bucket List

Do you have a bucket list? When did you start it? How do you add to it? Are there completed items? Did your list start accidentally?

Right before writing this article, I was searching online within my local newspaper for articles about native Florida plants in the landscape. The results were so broad, I tried to narrow it down using the category where I expected to find the gardening column, Lifestyle.

The top link returned was an article titled, From Desert to Sky, See it all in the New Mexico Mountains. I saw no correlation with my search phrase, ‘Florida landscape native plants’. Rather the original purpose for my search disappeared when I saw the photo of desert flowers blooming with the Organ Mountains in the background. I immediately thought, “This should be on my bucket list!”

The stark reality of Wayne’s cancer coupled with the picture of the Organ Mountains – Desert Peaks National Monument encouraged me to create a formal bucket list. Seems like life is so much more precious today than a few months ago before cancer became personal. Isn’t that what a bucket list is about – a reminder that time is limited, so get busy living it to the fullest? Does that sound a little negative or laced with worry? I see it differently. For me, a bucket list represents hope.

What About Your Bucket List?

What’s the coolest thing you’ve accomplished on your bucket list? What are you most looking forward to? I’d love to hear about it. Leave a comment below or email me. Better yet, signup for my newsletter and we can have a weekly conversation.

Back to my list,

Sweet Scent Memories Still Exist

This week I was reading two novels that mentioned sweet scent memories. They were extra special because I have the same memory, my father’s Old Spice after shave. Yet, as sweet as this memory is, there is a sweeter one. The aroma of cherry pipe tobacco smoke.

First Seeds of a Memory

At just two weeks old, I didn’t retain full memories, but these early weeks were when my bond with my father formed. It was the time between Christmas and New Year’s, when I imagine Dad had received the special cherry pipe tobacco as a Christmas gift, perhaps from my mother.

Mom was dealing with two baby girls in diapers and asked for help from her husband, my father. Although he put in long days as a farmer, an orange grove caretaker, he was happy to help with me. I was an easy baby; no colic, no difficulty taking a bottle.

I have a visual memory of a photo of my tiny self, propped on my father’s thighs as he holds my bottle in one hand and cradles his pipe in the other, smoke tendrils winding heavenward. He’s dressed in a white Hane’s t-shirt and still has on his work pants as he props himself against the wall behind the master bed.

How Specific is Scent Memory?

Sweet scent memories are very specific for me. I don’t care for all pipe smoke, only cherry pipe tobacco will do. How specific are your scent memories? I’ll bet they are very specific too. Is it cinnamon raisin bread baking, whole wheat or white bread in the oven?

Do you take action to expose yourself to your sweet scent memory? I sure did. Near the end of my Dad’s life he still occasionally smoked a pipe. He preferred Captain Jack in the gold pouch. And I always bought his preference, but I’d pick up a bag of cherry tobacco, hold it close to my face and take a big breath in. I think it brought me back to my two-week old self, securely cradled in my Dad’s lap, my tummy full of nourishment.

Books That Take You Down Memory Lane

The two books that stirred my memories this week were Tiger Drive by Teri Case and Stillwater by Mary Jo Hazard. Tiger Drive depicted a very different life than my own, but I identified with seventeen-year-old Carrie in many ways. Teri built her characters fully, giving me plenty of reason to care about the Sloan family. I highly recommend it.

Stillwater took place in a small town in upstate New York, during the approximate time of my childhood. The twelve-year-old characters in Stillwater spent a lot of time in activities my sister, cousins, and I enjoyed; playing in clubhouses or trees, riding our bicycles, and listening in on grown-up conversations. Both these books took me on a trip down my own memory lane. And isn’t that what books should do? They allow your own sweet scent memories to waft in and around the words on the page.

Are you reading a book that stirs your memories? I’d love to hear about it. Leave a comment below or email me. Better yet, signup for my newsletter and we can have a weekly conversation.

Onto the next book,