Self-care Archives - Sacred Healing of Grief Wounds

Aha Moment About Self-Care

This past week I had an aha moment about self-care. Part of my revelation came as I looked at the scene from my dining room table. The world felt skewed when I noticed the messiness in my backyard. As I played with the photo, this version appeared. It seemed some self-care was needed.

My Previous Understanding

I’ve written several blogs about self-care, including my feature, Five Tips Toward More Self-Care. In reading my tips, I still feel they are valid. But now it seems just part of the story about self-care.

Before my aha moment about self-care, I thought it was about

booking manicures and pedicures
buying myself flowers
taking a walk in nature

Understand me. Self-care includes my shortlist. But it also includes taking care of yourself by

updating your resume
calling a friend
preparing and eating tasty food

What’s the Difference?

The first list seems like out-of-the-ordinary actions, while the second is more mundane. Does that open the door to more understanding about self-care for you?

Simply Stated

Self-care is taking care of yourself while not harming anyone else.

If it’s so simple, why do we often fall short?

From My Experience

From as far back as I can remember, my self-esteem was so low; putting my needs first was impossible. I couldn’t conceive what that meant.

My first memory of the term came from a woman’s magazine in the 1980s. I would pick one up as I waited at the grocery store check-out. The articles were talking to young mothers like me. My reaction was typical for the times.

“How can I take time for a bubble bath when caring for my home and family is a full-time job!”

Forty years later, I’m much wiser and know that taking time for self-care would have prevented so many problems in my mental state and relationships.

It’s More About Thinking than Doing

Generally, thinking leads us to a lot of stress. But if you can use self-talk to soothe yourself, it’s one of the best self-care modes.

When we start judging ourselves, it’s beneficial to turn it around with self-compassion. For instance, when someone says an unkind word, start acknowledging what you feel is a universal human experience. Others have felt the same way. The more you can see these experiences with self-compassion, the easier it will be to steer yourself away from focusing on self-sabotaging emotions and begin opening alternate thinking patterns.

My aha moment about self-care led to the acknowledgment of my personal growth over the last six months and an appreciation for everyone who has helped me along the way.

And thank you for reading my thoughts.

Filling Up Your Self-love Tank

How are you filling up your self-love tank?

Taking a month off from writing my blog was about self-love through inaction. But how can you actively fill up your self-love tank?

The last month has been a time of reflection, healing, and slow integration into my local community. So it was a perfect time to focus on self-care.

Since February is referred to as the month of love, I wanted to start this blog with how I spent my afternoon on Valentine’s Day.

First, I visited the Coast to Coast Impressionism Exhibit in the Blowing Rock Art and History Museum. For at least a year, I’ve wanted to see it. What do you think stopped me? Conversely, why do you think I went on a holiday about love? How did you spend Valentine’s Day?

HOW I FELT DURING MY VISIT

I felt connected to the locations as I slowly wandered through this exhibit. The western scenes brought me back to my years in Colorado, including the many weekend trips to visit my parents, who had moved to La Garita, Colorado, from Polk County, Florida.

The eastern scenes are closely related to my current area in North Carolina. And the still life paintings transported me to fond memories of painting in oils during my thirties in West Orange County, Florida.

My heart expanded throughout my wanderings, including the history exhibit and photography winners on the second floor. There wasn’t a bit of sadness. Instead, I felt gratitude and appreciation for my decision to feed my soul. I thought, “This is one way of filling up your self-love tank.”

Looking at all the beautiful art made me thirsty and hungry. Since it was a little after 4 pm on Valentine’s Day, my options were limited. I had noticed a neon ‘OPEN’ sign at Six Pence Pub just as I turned the corner off Main Street toward my favorite parking area. The thought of authentically British Fish and Chips had been on my mind for weeks.

The staff was attentive and helpful before their busy time ahead. My Guinness Black and Tan was fantastic, and the array of Royal Doulton Toby mugs before me kept me busy trying to identify them. Of course, I recognized Churchill but had no idea it was explicitly the #9 Churchill Bulldog jug of the year for 1992.

But it was King Henry VIII and his six wives that required opening up a Google search. I only missed two.

Which Toby Mug caught your attention first?

WHAT ELSE STANDS OUT IN FEBRUARY?

I’m the queen of self-discovery through online personality tests. Besides being entertaining, the results explain why I like them so much! I digress.

When I took Strengths Finder 2.0 in 2009, I discovered my strengths: Learner, Harmony, Input, Connectedness, and Relator.

Yes, I love learning new things, including reading all the texts in the museum. (Learner)
Looking at the Toby mugs lined up before me, I smiled. (Harmony)
Researching facts about the Toby mugs makes my day! (Input)
Please let me know your thoughts on this blog in the comments or signup for my newsletter. (Connectedness)
Socializing is important to me, even if social media is currently my primary method. Follow me, and I’ll follow you! (Relator)

Therefore, it’s not surprising that I signed up for three online courses last month. The first one I’m delving into is The Complete Guide to Smartphone Photography. Once before, I signed up for a similar approach that was deeply into social media sharing. However, I quit within a few weeks. Why? Because I kept comparing my results to the other 10,000 people in the course!

One of the assignments involved using each of the possibilities of my iPhone native camera application. I found the Noir filter while using the Portrait mode. Do you ever use filters on your Smartphone?

I can’t end with a colorless photo. Spring bulbs are blooming everywhere in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Sunny daffodils catch my attention as I drive on familiar roads. Their cheerfulness is welcome after a dreary, wet winter. And almost no snow at my elevation.

But the Iris reticulata I planted last fall have popped up, releasing their cheerful colors. Although they are small and not so easy to spot, I imagine the bulbs multiplying over the next few years to offer a field of blue and purple on the hillside beside my driveway.

How are you filling up your self-love tank? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

With love and compassion,
Dawn

You are a Beautiful Soul

Mom, you are a beautiful soul too. This was evident while planning her memorial service, especially as family and friends gathered to remember her.

You are a Beautiful Soul

Remember that you are a beautiful soul when you start feeling less than your perfection. Because when your life is done, it’s the memories of your beautiful soul that remains.

The First Decision

It was just me when Mom breathed her last. My husband passed three months and three days earlier. My sister had moved to be close to the birth of her first grandchild, and I had moved to a new life in North Carolina. That sounds as lonely as life can be, but there is a unique peace amid loneliness. It allows deep healing.

Waiting until the Saturday after Thanksgiving also gave me time to process the loss of my husband and mother. It helped make it a true celebration of her life. After that, the first decision of place was easy.

Mom grew up in Winter Haven, Florida. It was where she worshiped, and it was my birthplace. So many relatives were close, and those far away could get time off work. It seemed a perfect time.

Holiday Realities

My wedding was six years prior, also right after Thanksgiving. I conveniently forgot about the difficulties during the planning phase. It’s a time when businesses other than retail aren’t always available.

Catering became a hurdle in the week before Mom’s memorial. Suddenly, the restaurant closed for the holiday weekend. Scrambling over the phone with the church administrator, she found a last-minute substitute. Then the plan for dessert fell apart. A change from coconut custard pie to various cakes solved this latest snafu. Some of these calls were while I was at a gas station on my way to Florida the Thursday before Thanksgiving. Oddly, I wasn’t flustered by any of it.

Everything worked out beautifully. Some expected to attend but didn’t show, and a few new, treasured guests were able to make it.

Time Gave Me Space

Compared to my grief at my husband Wayne’s memorial, I felt almost blissful this time. Instead of hiding in the back room for grieving family, my sister and I welcomed guests in the church narthex. Here’s a photo of my younger son, Larry, and me by the sign-in book. Since Mom had been using a weekly calendar as a diary, I chose to use the 2022 book, placing it next to her framed photo.

Many people mentioned how lovely the service was. Part of the success came from a long phone conversation with Pastor Reich. So many small details flowed forth as he asked me questions about Mom’s life. It was like a review of everything that I loved about her. He wove her personality and small acts of kindness into a fabric that was her life. It was then I realized, Mom, you are a beautiful soul.

I told my mother how much I loved her many times while caring for her during the last few years. And she reciprocated.

Take the time this week to tell someone you love them. Give them a warm hug if you can. If they are too far away, wrap your arms around yourself and say, “You are a beautiful soul.” And know that you are a beautiful soul too.

Love,
Dawn