Returning to Myself

An old copper jardinière sits in the morning light,
outside a corner antique store.

It called to me,
“I’ve been waiting for you.”

I stopped, intrigued,
lifted it off the table,
surprised by its weight.

“How much?” I asked.

“Make an offer.”

“Fifteen dollars.”

Sold.

Over forty years have passed.
And even though I loved it,
it sometimes sat on a storage shelf
because someone else didn’t like it.

I didn’t yet feel free
to let what I loved be seen.

Today, I finally discovered its secret.

Hammered in a small shop in Tiel, the Netherlands,
created during the Egyptology craze
after the discovery of Tutankhamun’s tomb.

Now it has fully returned to me.

Its value is in belonging,
not in displaying alone,
without its function.

returning

I replaced the plant inside the copper jardinière.

And suddenly, everything felt right.

The antique restored to its purpose.

The plant had returned to its vessel.

I had returned to myself –
to the artist,
the researcher,
the plant lover,
the daughter of a man who shaped metal,
the mother who loves her sons,

the woman who now displays beauty openly.

My Second Covid-19 Experience

My second COVID-19 experience taught me a lot about how fear can be overcome with information and taking action.

Almost two years ago, I contracted COVID-19 when a woman sat in the empty seat next to me during a European cruise. A few days later, on a Sunday, I was staying with my nephew in Prague when he brought me the test kit. Although I was confirmed sick, I didn’t feel that bad and walked to a nearby park daily, keeping my distance from everyone. My nephew did not come down with COVID-19.

By Thursday, I was on my way home to North Carolina, masked and coughing up a storm. I felt terrible about being in public but felt I had no alternative. Once I landed, someone helped me find my car in the airport parking lot. Confusion and COVID are clearly linked in my experience. It was a long two hours before I sank into my bed.

Disclaimer: This story is for informational purposes only. Consult your local medical authority for advice.

The Beginning

I started writing this post on day 10 of my second Covid-19 experience. It began like the first time: with a sore throat. But I thought it was a cold and didn’t test myself until the third day of symptoms, a Saturday. I admit I felt a bit panicked, along with the mental confusion I attribute to the virus. Without anyone to immediately turn to, it’s scary knowing you are ill. My mind focused on a litany of what-ifs.

Then, a reminder about my massage on Monday popped up. Now, I had a focus.

I started letting the arrangers of all my future appointments know I had to cancel or reschedule. Also, the impending wintry weather canceled many of my appointments.

Looking for Sympathy First

Next, I texted my family, who were far away. They couldn’t help. Later, I realized I just wanted someone to feel sorry for me.
I’m always researching on the Internet and know how to identify sound medical advice. I easily found a checklist of what to do. But did it apply to my circumstances? On Sunday, I turned to life-long friends who were medical professionals. The person I placed the most hope in texted, “Stay home and rest. Happy New Year.” That level of concern felt like a kick in the gut. But it also helped me consider other types of help.

My Spiritual Friends and Community

As usual, I enjoy quiet time early each morning for meditation and prayer. During this peaceful time on Monday morning, I heard “Reiki.” Several of my friends are Reiki practitioners, as am I.
I started texting or emailing all these spiritual friends, asking for their healing and prayers. They responded by sending me Reiki and praying for my return to health. Since I’m a church member, I asked to have my name placed on my church’s prayer list. All these actions reminded me to administer self-Reiki at bedtime. By Tuesday, I felt markedly better.

And Another Type of Help

My testing kit didn’t have clear directions, so I Googled how to perform a self-test. A helpful YouTube video showed me how to administer the test, and immediately afterward, the video below began.

Abraham, a Pharmacist in England, created this video in November 2021. I found it extremely useful. My favorite part is the Google spreadsheet he shares in the informational section below the video.

First, I created a blank spreadsheet for the next time I get sick. Then, I started tracking my symptoms on a new spreadsheet. I also added a column to note if I could smell, often interpreted as the ability to taste. Since I’m a huge record keeper, I already had a note on my phone tracking my temperature.

I Checked with My Doctor, Too

I felt very good about the information I had found. But before considering sharing this, I left a message with my doctor to verify a few things. They agreed with my friend’s “Stay home and rest” message. They stressed that shortness of breath is the most important symptom that suggests a need for immediate medical intervention. But they also suggested that since I wasn’t experiencing any lung problems, it was okay to go out with a mask starting on the sixth day.

How am I Feeling Now?

Today is two weeks after my first symptoms. I have an occasional cough, and I’m somewhat tired. The confusion comes and goes.
During my morning meditation, I found some thoughts crystal clear. That gives me hope that, eventually, the fog will lift completely. I have to laugh as I read the last sentence. At my age, a little fog may always linger.

Life is Full of Ups and Downs

Some might think I’m angry about the two people who exposed me to the flu. You would be correct. And I was able to acknowledge that anger easily. However, there were some other circumstances in my past where anger wasn’t allowed.

I’m starting to read Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly, a book that might help me understand my feelings of anger. In a future post, I’ll share how this book affects my ability to deal with anger.

Disclaimer: This story, My Second Covid-19 Experience, is for informational purposes only. Consult your local medical authority for advice.

Sometimes You Need a Break

Sometimes, it’s difficult for me to focus. I’ve been told, and rightfully so, that I can get distracted by the many areas of life that give me joy. That changed recently when I realized that sometimes you need a break.

It’s all about community.

God stepped into the lives of many in the southeastern United States recently and gave us a break. At first, losing my power and running water for eight days was startling. But others suffered real tragedies: lives lost, homes destroyed, and vehicles swamped. Without a digital connection to the outside world, we lived in the small worlds we shared with close neighbors, unaware of the extent of this storm beyond.

Planning was Crucial

As a native Floridian, I experienced Hurricane Donna in 1960. Even today, Hurricane Donna is the only storm to affect every state along the Eastern coast with hurricane-force winds. At the time, my family lived in a wood-frame, two-story home with a half-basement. The house was surrounded by acres of citrus trees, with a lawn that flowed downhill toward a crystal-clear lake. There were mature avocado trees on both sides of our home.

Part of our preparation was filling the bathtub with water we planned to drink. Since my sister and I slept upstairs, we came downstairs on Saturday, October 10, 1960. I still remember the casement windows rattling within their frames as the hurricane approached. The whole house creaked, and the wind howled. But I still fell asleep, trusting that we would be okay.

A tree had fallen before the backdoor when we awoke the next morning. I hurried to peer out the windows along every wall. The ground was strewn with branches wherever I looked. As Dad retrieved a chainsaw from the barn, my sister and I were tasked with picking up debris in the front yard. My first thought was, “No school. We are still on summer vacation!”

We began walking down to the lake to take daily baths. Soon, we were tired of the extended two-week vacation without power. Sometimes, you need a break from the break.

We cheered when Mr. Kier from the power company showed up at our house. We knew him well back then. It always seemed something was happening to our electric meter. A non-poisonous snake coiled itself inside it, and later, a black widow spider took up residence.

I Prepared for Hurricane Helene

In hindsight, I wish I had filled my bathtub in my North Carolina mountain home. But I was luckier than many. My house is clear from the danger of fallen trees, plus my driveway is flat and close to a paved road. Although I’m only 1/3 mile from a bridge across the South Fork of the North River, it’s all downhill, which eliminated the danger of flooding for me. My only route out was a quarter-mile uphill, where my road intersected a larger two-lane road.

If only I had consulted with my Florida friends who experienced the quadruple hurricane threat of 2004. Then, I wouldn’t have needed to drive out daily to charge my phone and look for a cup of coffee.

Next time, I’ll have these items.

My friend, who just waited out Hurricane Milton in Englewood, FL, suggested I get some portable chargers. My sister told me a French press saved their coffee-loving lives during the 2004 Florida hurricane season (Charley, Frances, Ivan, and Jeanne).

Since this post is about hurricanes, in 2004, between August 13th and September 25th, Florida was blasted with four hurricanes. Most of my friends and family lived in Florida peninsula’s center, in Polk, Orange, or Osceola counties. And hurricanes were always more of a problem along the Atlantic or Gulf coasts. That’s why I hadn’t experienced many in Florida. Then I moved to Colorado at the end of the last century. I guess I’m pretty lucky with extreme weather. However, I did get caught in a snowstorm soon after moving to the Denver area – another story for another time.

What was the break like?

It became an easy routine. I woke up with the sunrise and went to bed shortly after sunset. My supply of scented candles from High Country Candles in Blowing Rock was enough to light the major rooms in my house, but if you can’t read or write by candlelight, you might as well sleep.

Fear tends to grip us when we are off the grid. Staying home, reading a book, and sitting on the back deck watching the birds seems safer. Later, I realized the lack of information was a blessing. Everyone else was seeing the destruction and worrying about their friends and family.

Information was more likely from my son in Texas than anywhere close to me. For the first four days, my phone vacillated back and forth from one bar to SOS mode at my home. But I could receive texts, and when I ventured out using my charger in the car, I had excellent service in West Jefferson.

Within the first twelve hours, the nearby towns of West Jefferson and Jefferson had power, and locals had cleared many roads of fallen trees. For me, it was easy to drive twelve miles into town and visit my favorite coffee shop or fast-food restaurant for my morning coffee. But it took me a few days to realize it was even possible. And when I realized this would take a while, ice was difficult to find.

I had no email and no Internet. I had plenty of potable water, propane, and a gas cooktop to heat water and water in buckets from the storm to flush the toilet. The temperatures were pleasant.

How I realized the power was back on.

On Saturday afternoon, I sat with the dog on the back deck, watching the birds. I apologized to my dog for the interruption, as I needed to use the bathroom.

Before I even sat down, I noticed an unfamiliar sound. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks! The toilet was running, which meant the pump to the well was on! I rushed to the one clock I had left plugged in and gazed in wonder at the flashing numbers.

Quickly, I calculated the most likely time the electricity had come back on – 2:19 p.m.

What did I do first?

I set an alarm on my phone to turn on the hot water heater.

A few months earlier, I had a new hot water heater and well pump installed. One of the qurstions I had for the plumber was about losing electricity. He suggested I turn off the hot water heater if that happenned because it would damage it to suddenly turn on if empty.

Thirty minutes later I enjoyed my first shower in over a week. It felt like heaven on earth.

How has my life changed?

At first, I started slipping into using electricity as I had always done. But after some soul searching, I realized how much I enjoyed my slower pace.

Now, I deliberately give myself breaks from the TV, social media, my laptop, and my phone. It was hard to write this, too. And I’m doing it differently. Rather than write in Substack, I’m writing this post on the website blog I’ve had for years. Then I’ll paste it into Substack to share with you.

I don’t know how often I’ll write, but I know it will be with more thought and love than before. Because sometimes you need a break.