Understanding Mindfulness vs Presence

Understanding mindfulness vs presence is my focus this week.

Examples of Mindfulness

I remember when a friend helped me work on being in the moment during a road trip to Aspen, Colorado. On the other hand, more recently I worked toward practicing mindfulness through meditation.

For me, meditation is a daily habit and developing presence is becoming one.

Understanding Mindfulness vs Presence by Example

Mindfulness includes noticing the world around you.
Cultivating presence includes focusing on a physical aspect within your own body.

Food Example:
I made yummy gluten-free almond oatmeal cookies yesterday. It was shortly before dinner when they came out of the oven. I confess I ate four cookies before I realized it.

Mindfulness practice would have me slow down, take one cookie, place it on a plate, sit down, and savor every aspect of it as I slowly took one bite at a time. In fact, I would have closed my eyes to increase my enjoyment and ability to be mindful.

On the other hand, cultivating presence, might result in a slightly different outcome.

My intention for the day included one technique for developing presence – tuning in on breathing. Rather than reach for the first cookie, I might have closed my eyes, and directed my attention toward the rise and fall of my belly. Perhaps then I could have considered ways to combat my familiar habit of eating without mindfulness.

Some alternative behaviors include:

  • Moving the cooling rack out of the kitchen
  • Drinking a glass of water, insuring hydration
  • Concentrating on heating up the dinner of leftover soup
  • Moving up dinner time
  • Fully enjoying one after dinner cookie

How Today is Different

This morning during my meditation to set my intention for the day, I realized patience would have helped me yesterday. Why not set patience as my intention today. I even have a scenario all set.

When the call of the cookie strikes, I will consider the list above after I close my eyes and focus on the breath.

Practicing Loving Kindness Feels Better

Practicing loving kindness feels better… than being caught up in comparing.  Compulsive comparing creates a restlessness that can never be satisfied.

Examples of Compulsive Comparing

Do you know someone who has an immaculate house? Imagine after visiting them or just thinking about them, you might have these thoughts walking inside your own less than perfect home.

  • How does she keep everything so clean?
  • It really feels bad, seeing all the dust in my house
  • I know there’s a candy bar hidden here someplace…

If only we could substitute these thoughts of loving kindness for ourselves instead.

  • Perhaps I care about more important things than housework
  • But, if I set a timer for 30 minutes and sweep…
  • After the timer goes off, I’ll fix a cup of coffee… or herbal tea

Did you feel a difference reading these two very different lists? For me, the comparing list made me frown and furrow my brow.

The second list brought a smile to my face and a lightness in my chest. It’s about offering forgiveness for ourselves.

How to Bring Loving Kindness Home

Mindfulness meditation is the key to bringing loving kindness into your life. Sharon Salzberg is my go to person for learning how to cultivate loving kindness. I’ve completed her 10% Nicer meditation course inside the app, Ten Percent Happier , multiple times.

She has also written several books on loving kindness, available on her website . If you want to experience a ten minute mediation right now, go to A Simple Meditation to Connect With Loving-Kindness, from Sharon Salzberg on mindful.org.

This Seems Too Easy

Yes, it is easy… and also very hard. Like most things, it takes a daily commitment to change. However, if you miss a day, don’t beat yourself up. Rather, start again. Each day dawns with another new opportunity to live happier.

Practicing loving kindness feels better… than comparing ourselves to others. Just think what a different world it would be if you practice loving kindness for yourself and others. Start right now.

Sending you loving kindness,
Dawn

Time Heals When We Allow It

Time heals when we allow it space to ebb and flow. Grief is not linear, nor does it follow a prescribed set of stages. Yes, I know about the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross model. Moreover, that it was developed to explain the stages of grief one is likely to experience when faced with the news of their own terminal illness.

Grief of a loved one is not the same.

How is it Different… the Same?

It comes down to one word – control.

  • We cannot control the world around us
  • We can control our reaction to it

We decide if we want to stuff down our feelings or allow expression of emotion. For me, I have allowed my expression of grief to emerge, even when it is inconvenient or embarrassing. That includes tears, anger, resentment, and any other emotion that comes up.

Even though I thought I was grieving the first year, as I look back it is obvious I was in denial, protecting myself. As the years have changed me since my husband’s decision to take his own life, my grief has also changed because I have allowed it.

How Time Heals When We Allow It

This month is the 7th anniversary of my husband’s death. When I see the actual date looming ahead, a lump forms in my throat and the tears, or sobs start. I try to move myself to a private space, but that doesn’t always happen… like right now. My diaphragm begins an unconscious series of contractions, the tears well up in my eyes, and I catch my breath as a few sobs emerge. Then it is over. I take a deep breath in and out. All is well.

Final Words of Encouragement

My experience has shown me a few ways to get through.

  • Give yourself the same compassion you give others
  • Shower yourself with self-care
  • Allow others to help
  • Accept loving kindness
  • Seek counseling and groups who share your experience

It will get better. Time heals when we allow it.