Category: Tools for Life

Do You Play the Role of Victim?

Do you play the role of victim? For example, the photo above portrays the young woman as a victim of bullying. Although we agree this is reality, damaging, and can lead to tragedy, is it preventable by choosing an alternative to the role of victim?

I never thought of myself as a victim. Yet, I willingly set up a similar situation I wrote about last week in Celebrating Your Shadow Side.

How Do You Play the Role of Victim?

I was playing the role of the victim in the Hartman Drama Triangle. This concept was unknown to me until a friend and life coach, Elizabeth Heiss, responded to last week’s letter. She asked me if I had heard of the Hartman Drama Triangle.

She also sent me a link to a video by Martha Beck that explains both the Karpman Drama Triangle and an alternative way of being.

The Gift of Sleeping Late

Today I harvested the gift of sleeping late. In general terms, I’ve also heard it referred to as the gift of procrastination. Regardless, for us perfectionist types, this is counterintuitive.

Before the Gift of Sleeping Late

The day before my appointment to install new tires on my Subaru Forester, I was in my usual busy mode. First, the dog had a meeting with the vet at 11 am. Then I planned to bring some artwork for reframing to an establishment in Blowing Rock. Next, I would hurry home to catch a group Zoom meeting for animal communicators. Finally, I planned to participate in a Power Hour of Recipe Organization with Alexandria. TV’s Team Organize.

How do you feel after reading this paragraph?

It doesn’t feel good for me, either.

Of course, it didn’t happen exactly like that.

I hurriedly left home on Wednesday at 10:30 am. Less than a mile from home, the tire pressure light comes on. My heart sank into my gut as I looked for a driveway to pull off the road. As I moved around the car and inspected the tires, the rear passenger tire seemed slightly lower than the others.

I eased back into the driver’s seat, closed my eyes, and asked, “Do I continue to the vet?”

Immediately, I received a gentle ‘No.’

Heading home, I weighed my options. Then I texted my new neighbor, Andy. He volunteered to stop by in the late afternoon and take a look.

The Energy of the Day Changes

Now I had time to consider how I wanted to spend my day. First, I took the dog for a short walk. Then I got my hands dirty planting the sixty Iris reticulata bulbs and the remaining handful of daffodils cooling in the garage. Finally, I gathered up fallen maple leaves for my compost pile. These grounding activities had been weighing on my mind for days. Then, as if to prove the worth of this change of pace, a gentle rain fell as I retreated into the house to rest.

The helpfulness of the day continued when my neighbor, Andy, asked if I still needed his help with my tire.

I replied, “Yes, please.”

Next, he noted that he was headed into town to drop an employee off. “Do you need anything from the grocery?”

“Could you pick up a small container of whole mushrooms?”

I had time to prep the Instant Pot Beef Stew recipe, and Andy would bring the missing mushrooms. He was happy to stay for dinner. The tire would hold with the air from the compressor I bought last year.

The stew exceeded my expectations. Andy enjoyed a home-cooked meal before heading cross country on Friday to be the groom in his upcoming wedding. And I felt relief that my tire would make it to the garage the following day.

Back to the Gift of Sleeping Late

I still needed to learn my lesson. So, although I considered setting the alarm to make my Thursday 8:30 am appointment, I chose otherwise. Expecting to arise at 6:00 am, I awoke with a start to see 8:31 am on the clock.

After a brief conversation with one of the sons of Eller and Sons, he changed my appointment to 2:00 pm. I quickly canceled my workout at 1:30 pm and emailed Matt to let him know I wouldn’t make the 2:15 appointment. Matt called me back, and we rescheduled for Monday; I took a deep, cleansing breath.

I thanked my Spiritual Board of Directors, for giving me the gift of sleeping late. As a result, I had the opportunity to slowly go through a morning of much-needed self-care.

What Did I Learn?

Joy comes from living life in the now. Filling our lives with commitments reduces our happiness. No one benefits. Take time out to relax, regroup, and return to what brings you peace.

Repeating the Reiki Precepts aloud makes my heart feel open and healed. Perhaps you will feel the same.

With Love and Compassion,
Dawn

The Reiki Precepts

For today only,
Do not anger,
Do not worry,
Be humble,
Be honest in your work,
Be compassionate to yourself and others.

Celebrating Your Shadow Side

Although it may seem counterintuitive, it’s easier to find your bright white light when celebrating your shadow side.

So what is the Shadow Side?

Our shadow side is the aspect of our personality that we dislike.

How do I Discover My Shadow Side?

It’s pretty simple because you can see it in others quite easily. It’s their behavior that pushes your buttons.

A Dual Example of Shadow Side

I recently attended an in-person three-day Reiki III class with twenty-four participants. Since this was my fourth class, my teacher and I know each other.

When asked if we had anything to share with the course on the second day, I mentioned my difficulty hearing some other participants during their sharing opportunities, elaborating for one to two minutes. Immediately, my fellow hard-of-hearing neighbors thanked me. Soon after, during the lecture portion, the teacher discussed distraction, noting that there were too many words in the world.

As an illustration, he looked at me and said, “I don’t mean to single you out, but when you told your story about your hearing, it would have been better to address the problem directly. For example, you could have said, “Could you speak up? I can’t hear you.”

My eyes widened, and I exclaimed, “But I’m a writer.”

The Shadow Side of Judgment

Although I can’t speak to why the instructor singled me out, I can discuss my reaction to it.

As his words stung my ego, my defense was an immediate retort. But, at that moment, only two people were in the room. And I felt deeply hurt.

Soon, the moment’s reality became focused as I felt the downpour of shame, then a low, simmering anger. In typical fashion, I placed the rage in a box that sat on my shoulder. Instead, I focused on Deb, my partner, during an exercise to expand our energy.

It didn’t take long, and my attention returned to the hurt I felt. As we dispersed to find options for lunch, I looked for someone to validate my anger.

Two women sat chatting across the room. As I approached, they looked up, and we exchanged pleasantries. Then, calmly, I expressed how I felt about being singled out, asking their opinion. Although they were compassionate, they said it was probably best to let it go.

Let it Go

How many times have you heard these words? Did they help you let it go, or did they fuel your anger?

Until recently, for me, they were triggers. Now, I listen differently by distancing myself from the communication interchange. From this viewpoint, I see the compassion in ‘let it go.’ Then I can receive that compassion and start to let go of the hurt.

Parting Thoughts and the Precepts

When the actions of others push your buttons, consider taking a different viewpoint by being an observer. Now you can start celebrating your shadow side and their shadow side with love and compassion. Furthermore, to anchor yourself, consider saying these Reiki Precepts each morning and throughout the day.

For today only,
Do not anger,
Do not worry,
Be true to your way and being,
Be compassionate to yourself and others.

From a place of love and compassion,
Dawn