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Look Back or Gaze Forward

Is it better to look back or gaze forward? Which path will bring you to the pinnacle of your life purpose?

Look Back with Wisdom

In my life, I looked back with self-judgment and loathing, never understanding the concept of:

  • Taking a bird’s eye view
  • Determining the errors
  • Understanding the why
  • Imagining alternative behaviors
  • Embracing love and compassion

This simple plan of reviewing with acceptance is the essence of learning from our past choices.

Here is an example from my life.

  • My marriage ended in divorce.
  • The relationship was based on looking for a self-love substitute.
  • Why did I engage in self-destructive behavior?
  • If I knew then what I know now.
  • My choices were necessary for me.

Of course, this is a significant life event. Yet the simplicity of this process breaks it down into digestible bites, releasing the nutrients within.

When I understood the complexity and depth of my suffering, it was much easier to give myself a break. So it’s easier to give others a break, which results in a kinder existence for everyone.

What was the timeline for this example?

a more direct pathThe marriage lasted twenty-three years. Since I didn’t engage in looking back with wisdom, I repeated my behaviors over another twenty-four years. Over the last year, several aha moments resulted in true love and compassion for myself. That’s a total of forty-eight years.

My hope for you is a more direct path toward self-understanding.

Yet, I’ve smiled through it all. The difference today is my smile is filled with joy rather than merely a lifelong coping mechanism.

Gaze Forward with Hope

Before, I used lists and control to examine the past year.

In contrast, my previous twelve months were spent feeling rather than analyzing, which resulted in a culmination of healing that needs no examination. Furthermore, the lists for the coming year also come from feelings.

First, I made a short list of when I feel joy; being in nature, creating, learning, and sharing.

Second, I allowed ideas to flow. These became the core of my New Year plan.

  • I love my body with exercise and nutritious foods
  • Write from my heart
  • Take a chance on painting again
  • Explore my local community
  • Contemplate a physical gift for the world

Third, the first action steps emerged.

The Best Part is

Rather than a list of must-do projects, I have broad ideas that can morph into festive activities by checking in through a daily morning meditative practice.

It’s not about whether it is better to look back or gaze forward. Instead, it’s about exploring within to find your joyful uniqueness. This is the basis for a happy life.

With love and compassion,
Dawn

Embrace Your Darkness to Shine Brightly

Do not fear the darkness of your life, for it allows your brightness to shine. This is the theme of The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.

I was a prisoner of my own making, spending my life looking for acceptance and love from without rather than from within. This is where true love exists, only within ourselves.

Once we accept and fully acknowledge our love of ourselves, we can both give and receive love from others.

Furthermore, I wish to share with you one of the ways that I have come to discover who I am. It’s a simple reality that has allowed me to begin this new life journey as a complete soul.

Embrace Your Darkness to Shine Brightly

How many times have you felt the judgment of the actions of others creep into your mind?

Do you turn away from this behavior in yourself, willing it to stop?

Judgment is a good and wholesome activity if used properly. For example, we might walk into oncoming traffic while crossing a street without judgment. Or eat unwholesome food left too long in the refrigerator.

Employing judgment allows us to use our senses to keep us safe.

Judging the Acts of Others

Perhaps you think it can never be good to judge others. However, this is a valuable tool allowing us to peek into our psyche. When we dislike something in others, it’s often a reflection of our self-loathing.

So how can we come to grips with this darkness inside us? I have found a way to embrace my darkness to shine brightly through compassion.

Compassion is caring about something we might not feel warm and fuzzy about. And like all feelings, there is a certain amount of choice within us on how we think.

A Real Life Example

While working in Denver, Colorado, I took the train from Littleton Station. Then, getting off at Auraria, I walked the six blocks to my job at the Police Administration Building. On the way, I passed through the intersection at Speer and Colfax, which was notorious for panhandlers.

Drivers avoided eye contact by staring straight ahead or picking up their cell phones as if on a call. As a pedestrian, I felt vulnerable when waiting at a red light, and I often changed my pace or route to avoid standing near someone asking for money. If I was in a car, I often acted like most other motorists, staring at the stoplight to avoid eye contact.

Billy and the Denver Rescue Mission.

When walking, I didn’t feel safe giving them money. But one summer morning, I was carrying a bouquet from my garden. It was impossible to make the green light as I approached the intersection. So, I impulsively offered the man who asked me for money a daisy instead. His entire demeanor changed as he asked me to wait. Finally, I watched him run to a hedge on the edge of a nearby fast-food restaurant where he had stowed his backpack.

Running back toward me, he carried a half-full plastic water bottle. I chose a couple of my nicest daisies and placed them into his makeshift vase as his face shone brightly with a huge smile. This simple act of compassion infused my day with a feeling of peace. And the memory is as fresh today as it was eighteen years ago.

How Compassion Affects Us

Do you think the drivers sitting in their cars on Colfax Ave dared to look our way as this gift of compassion and love was exchanged between us? If you were driving down Colfax, would it change how you judged this man? Would it change how you saw the gray-haired woman walking with the hand-picked flowers? Would it change how you interacted with people in your workplace or your family members?

Most importantly, would you feel better about yourself?

When you embrace your darkness to shine brightly, it’s easier to open the door to self-compassion. For example, after giving the gift of my beloved flowers, it was easier to accept my judgment and to open up to the humanity of others.

With love and compassion,
Dawn

Let Your Light Shine Forth

Let your light shine forth, dispelling the darkness of winter. There is much to learn from our dark side, but don’t we still want the light to reign?

December Can be Difficult

There is a dash to buy gifts, mail holiday cards, maintain inclusiveness, and exhibit a perfect attitude. Add in all those unfortunate birthdays, and it’s a bit too much.

How do you think you can make your life less hectic?

I’ve chosen to concentrate on what truly brings me joy. For example, I considered putting up the Christmas tree but then decided I wanted light, not the hassle of a decorated tree.

The alternative to a tree was more greenery inside and LED candles in my windows. It reminds me of my summer visits to Sweden, where I saw this tradition in practice. As Sweden is quite far north, the hours of daylight in the winter are few. So lights in the windows are cheerful and welcoming, lighting the way home.

Furthermore, I concentrated my decorations in my dining room. Christmas cards are a favorite activity for me. It allows me to check in with people I care about but don’t communicate with regularly. Since my birthday is in December, I place those cards next to the holiday cards. Sitting at the table, I light my Advent Wreath, enjoy the birds at my feeders, and feel the love radiating from the wishes of loved ones.

What About Your Internal Light?

Brightening the world with your bright white internal light is a great way to elevate your mood and the mood of others.

But how do you achieve this? It takes work, understanding yourself, contemplation, meditation, grounding, and dispelling the fear of knowing who you are.

I have found help from books, other lightworkers, and practice. Meditation helps me calm my inner critical voice. Reiki helps me learn how to move energy throughout my physical body. Journaling opens the door to my intuition.

Make a List of Your Spiritual Gifts

My friend and one of my spiritual helpers, Mary Toland Shaw, asked me to make this list. At first, I felt confused, but then I realized it was anything that filled my heart with joy.

  • Writing this blog
  • Smiling for no particular reason
  • Buying myself flowers
  • Talking to friends and family
  • Watching the birds at my feeders
  • Wearing bright colors

Here is a perfect example. I was in my local grocery store when my aunt called. As we conversed, I picked a bouquet and added it to my cart. Then as I neared the dairy section, a man I’d never seen before smiled at me and said, “Ever since you picked up those flowers, you’ve had this big smile on your face!”

We laughed and went on our separate missions to complete the shopping. Since it was my birthday, I picked out my free ice cream.

I wasn’t trying to be joyful. Instead, the circumstances allowed my inner white light to shine. But I made a conscious choice to create my environment.

Won’t you find ways to let your light shine forth? You will benefit. The people near you will benefit. And the ripple effect will make the world a brighter, happier place.

With love and compassion,
Dawn