Blog - Page 11 of 61 - Sacred Healing of Grief Wounds

Celebrating Your Shadow Side

Although it may seem counterintuitive, it’s easier to find your bright white light when celebrating your shadow side.

So what is the Shadow Side?

Our shadow side is the aspect of our personality that we dislike.

How do I Discover My Shadow Side?

It’s pretty simple because you can see it in others quite easily. It’s their behavior that pushes your buttons.

A Dual Example of Shadow Side

I recently attended an in-person three-day Reiki III class with twenty-four participants. Since this was my fourth class, my teacher and I know each other.

When asked if we had anything to share with the course on the second day, I mentioned my difficulty hearing some other participants during their sharing opportunities, elaborating for one to two minutes. Immediately, my fellow hard-of-hearing neighbors thanked me. Soon after, during the lecture portion, the teacher discussed distraction, noting that there were too many words in the world.

As an illustration, he looked at me and said, “I don’t mean to single you out, but when you told your story about your hearing, it would have been better to address the problem directly. For example, you could have said, “Could you speak up? I can’t hear you.”

My eyes widened, and I exclaimed, “But I’m a writer.”

The Shadow Side of Judgment

Although I can’t speak to why the instructor singled me out, I can discuss my reaction to it.

As his words stung my ego, my defense was an immediate retort. But, at that moment, only two people were in the room. And I felt deeply hurt.

Soon, the moment’s reality became focused as I felt the downpour of shame, then a low, simmering anger. In typical fashion, I placed the rage in a box that sat on my shoulder. Instead, I focused on Deb, my partner, during an exercise to expand our energy.

It didn’t take long, and my attention returned to the hurt I felt. As we dispersed to find options for lunch, I looked for someone to validate my anger.

Two women sat chatting across the room. As I approached, they looked up, and we exchanged pleasantries. Then, calmly, I expressed how I felt about being singled out, asking their opinion. Although they were compassionate, they said it was probably best to let it go.

Let it Go

How many times have you heard these words? Did they help you let it go, or did they fuel your anger?

Until recently, for me, they were triggers. Now, I listen differently by distancing myself from the communication interchange. From this viewpoint, I see the compassion in ‘let it go.’ Then I can receive that compassion and start to let go of the hurt.

Parting Thoughts and the Precepts

When the actions of others push your buttons, consider taking a different viewpoint by being an observer. Now you can start celebrating your shadow side and their shadow side with love and compassion. Furthermore, to anchor yourself, consider saying these Reiki Precepts each morning and throughout the day.

For today only,
Do not anger,
Do not worry,
Be true to your way and being,
Be compassionate to yourself and others.

From a place of love and compassion,
Dawn

When Grief Drops In

I’m always surprised when grief drops in. It seems a long time since crying was daily, and then it happens again.

When Grief Drops In

Today I’m sharing an experience of grief from this past week. It came out of nowhere. Well, not exactly. It started on a Zoom of fellow writers deeply connected to Spirit.

I had to leave before the end. So I let the moderator know. She asked me to share my experiences over the last seven years. First, I talked about my blog, but I needed to share that I’d gotten married. Next came the losses, my husband’s death in March and then the death of my mother soon after. That’s when I broke down and cried. There was no stopping the tears. And I felt safe to share, but I didn’t want to waste this precious time together. Quickly, I regained composure, finished my share, listened to another participant, and slipped away after leaving my goodbyes in the chat.

Of course, that wasn’t the end of this grief episode. The next day, I was thinking about a new project using my photos spanning many years. Again, the vision of my second husband, Pablo, became focused. I smiled, remembering him standing proudly at a marina, displaying a freshly caught Mahi Mahi. He was wearing a shirt I gave him that depicted the story of Hemingway’s Old Man and the Sea. This memory was so beautiful. It brought forth these words.

Keep your loved ones’ happiest moments with you always.

Next, I looked for my niece’s wedding photos from ten years ago. I had offloaded them from my phone to make space, but instead, I found my last husband, Wayne’s proudest hunting moment, was when he bagged an awarding winning Alaskan Brown Bear. It reminded me of how vibrant he was when we were first together as lovers.

I know you might feel judgment about this hunting experience. And no, Wayne didn’t eat the bear, but all the meat was harvested and given to local villagers. Taxidermists took the carcass and made a bear skin rug that filled the floor of a room in his Florida home. After Wayne passed, someone bought the bear. She’s out there, proudly displayed somewhere.

Sitting and Reflecting

All these memories continued to feed my soul as I pondered what these men brought me in my life.

Pablo and I enjoyed traveling with gusto. He was a vibrant man. I remember his love of people, dancing in the kitchen, and cooking his Cuban specialties. In comparison, the memories of our later years when his paranoia and depression took over are dim.

Just today, I thought about my favorite times with Wayne. He took me hunting in Georgia. Although I had only handled a rifle once in my life, I was a natural at hitting a target. However, shooting a deer did not fit into my life journey. But I tried for him. So, when I sat alone inside a portable blind in the early morning darkness, the stillness and brightening sky evoked my only waka, a Japanese style of poetry written by emperors of old. My waka…

orange fushia sunrise
birds chatter all around me
leaves rain down silent
lone buck grunt breaks the stillness

Parting Thoughts

When grief drops in, I think it is crucial to let the tears flow when they come. But it’s also healthy to remember those sweet moments when you felt the love both received and given.

A Message for my Readers

From Fear to Joy in the Dentist’s Chair

My path from fear to joy in the dentist’s chair took many small steps. It certainly was aided by advancements in dentistry. I was not too fond of dental visits because I had a mouth full of cavities as a child. While city kids received fluoride in their drinking water, country kids like me didn’t. That’s my excuse. The reality of choices early in life is they can have consequences as we age.

From Fear to Joy in the Dentist’s Chair

I assembled all my dental paraphernalia to illustrate I take my dental health seriously. And also, I want to introduce a habit I’ve developed over the last year that makes my dental visits an absolute joy.

Most recently, I had two visits in seven calendar days. They were scaling and root deep cleaning to remove the tarter and bacteria that love to lurk at the gum line. Convention expects numerous injections to numb the entire area to effectively and quickly release the damaging plaque.

As a result of the meditation I use daily, my persona has transformed from a hurried doer to a calmer appreciator of rest. For example, I begin slow, shallow breathing after the hygienist numbs my gums with a topical. Then it returns to regular breathing, except I slowly extend my out-breath.

When the dentist tells me, “This is going to pinch,” I’m in the middle of a slow, steady out-breath. I don’t flinch, groan, or react to any injections throughout the procedure to numb half my mouth. That is one whole side, up and down. The slow breathing puts me in such a calm state, and I’m perfectly still. Fear is a distant memory.

I can honestly say during the first procedure; I never felt pain. Never.

Conversely, I felt pain radiating out my tongue toward the tip during the first injection at the second procedure. Yet, I didn’t perceive this as painful or upsetting. Why? Because I know the sensation will be short. After all, the purpose is to numb the area.

My Dentist’s Reaction

As I’m in this euphoric, meditative state, I seem to know what the dentist or hygienist needs me to do. So it took a few seconds before I realized the dentist was talking to me about my demeanor.

“I’ve never had a patient as calm as you during the numbing process. And I don’t like being on the receiving end, either. So how do you do it?”

I explained my slow breathing strategy.

“So you breathe deeply in and then slowly out,” she said.

“Not exactly. It’s more of a continuously shallow, slow breath.”

As the dentist and hygienist continue their animated banter, I drift into my peaceful, dreamlike state.

Parting Thoughts and Suggestions

It’s hard not to laugh a little and think how much they reminded me of myself when I was in the constantly doing mode. And that’s another helpful mindset in the dentist’s chair. It’s your mind, and you can take yourself somewhere else anytime you desire. Don’t worry. When they need you to move, they’ll let you know.

As a child, I was not too fond of dental appointments for a simple reason. I was stuck in the past, anticipating a repeat of an uncomfortable experience. However, if you can move your thought patterns from the past, where the source of fear exists, to the present, it’s simple to be in the peaceful, easy feeling of now.

The next time you walk into the room with the dentist’s chair, take a moment to look at the chair. When sitting in it, close your eyes, lean back, and feel the comfort of a perfectly designed piece of furniture. Then, take a deep breath and sink deeper into the luxury of the dentist’s chair. You have begun your journey from fear to joy in the dentist’s chair.