Time Heals When We Allow It

Time heals when we allow it

Time heals when we allow it space to ebb and flow. Grief is not linear, nor does it follow a prescribed set of stages. Yes, I know about the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross model. Moreover, that it was developed to explain the stages of grief one is likely to experience when faced with the news of their own terminal illness.

Grief of a loved one is not the same.

How is it Different… the Same?

It comes down to one word – control.

  • We cannot control the world around us
  • We can control our reaction to it

We decide if we want to stuff down our feelings or allow expression of emotion. For me, I have allowed my expression of grief to emerge, even when it is inconvenient or embarrassing. That includes tears, anger, resentment, and any other emotion that comes up.

Even though I thought I was grieving the first year, as I look back it is obvious I was in denial, protecting myself. As the years have changed me since my husband’s decision to take his own life, my grief has also changed because I have allowed it.

How Time Heals When We Allow It

This month is the 7th anniversary of my husband’s death. When I see the actual date looming ahead, a lump forms in my throat and the tears, or sobs start. I try to move myself to a private space, but that doesn’t always happen… like right now. My diaphragm begins an unconscious series of contractions, the tears well up in my eyes, and I catch my breath as a few sobs emerge. Then it is over. I take a deep breath in and out. All is well.

Final Words of Encouragement

My experience has shown me a few ways to get through.

  • Give yourself the same compassion you give others
  • Shower yourself with self-care
  • Allow others to help
  • Accept loving kindness
  • Seek counseling and groups who share your experience

It will get better. Time heals when we allow it.