Time Heals When We Allow It

Time heals when we allow it space to ebb and flow. Grief is not linear, nor does it follow a prescribed set of stages. Yes, I know about the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross model. Moreover, that it was developed to explain the stages of grief one is likely to experience when faced with the news of their own terminal illness.

Grief of a loved one is not the same.

How is it Different… the Same?

It comes down to one word – control.

  • We cannot control the world around us
  • We can control our reaction to it

We decide if we want to stuff down our feelings or allow expression of emotion. For me, I have allowed my expression of grief to emerge, even when it is inconvenient or embarrassing. That includes tears, anger, resentment, and any other emotion that comes up.

Even though I thought I was grieving the first year, as I look back it is obvious I was in denial, protecting myself. As the years have changed me since my husband’s decision to take his own life, my grief has also changed because I have allowed it.

How Time Heals When We Allow It

This month is the 7th anniversary of my husband’s death. When I see the actual date looming ahead, a lump forms in my throat and the tears, or sobs start. I try to move myself to a private space, but that doesn’t always happen… like right now. My diaphragm begins an unconscious series of contractions, the tears well up in my eyes, and I catch my breath as a few sobs emerge. Then it is over. I take a deep breath in and out. All is well.

Final Words of Encouragement

My experience has shown me a few ways to get through.

  • Give yourself the same compassion you give others
  • Shower yourself with self-care
  • Allow others to help
  • Accept loving kindness
  • Seek counseling and groups who share your experience

It will get better. Time heals when we allow it.