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When Fathers Day is Difficult

This post seems late since Father’s Day was earlier on Sunday. Rather, Father’s Day is difficult for me and I waited until after the holiday to write about it. How many holidays that expect certain emotions or actions are difficult for you? There’s a lot to pick from; Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparent’s Day, Thanksgiving, and many more as this Internet List shows.

Memories are sweeter now, afterward

Looking back is easier today, the pain of loss and grief less pungent. Rather, sweet memories pour over me; the smell of his tobacco smoke, the tickle of his beard when he hugged me, the white salt stains on his work shirt from a day farming in the Florida summer heat, his ability to make me laugh. One prank he pulled especially comes to mind. Whenever I came home to Polk County, I liked to visit Bok Tower Gardens. Dad loved it too. My husband and I were talking as we left our car in the parking lot and Dad and Mom were ahead of us. My inner compass followed Dad without thinking.

When I looked up and realized we weren’t where I expected, I said, “Dad, where did you lead us?”

He grinned  and lifted one eyebrow while winking the other eye. I knew I’d been duped again. We were a perfect match. He loved to play practical jokes and I never saw them coming.

Keeping his memory alive

Therefore, I return here, to Bok Tower Gardens often, choosing to volunteer both as an interpretive guide during the cooler months and an historic home docent all year. The many people I meet from all over the globe also remind me how much I’m like my father. He never knew a stranger.

May your memories be as sweet and dear to you as mine are to me.

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Number One Reason to Attend a Writing Conference

During the 2019 Florida Writing Workshop in Tampa, I met other writers, the number one reason to attend a writing conference. Some of these writers were self-published, some told me they had 100,000 friends on Facebook, a few taught seminars and offered their books for sale, others were agents who were looking for their next star. I mingled with memoir writers, YA writers, romance writers, children book writers, new writers, seasoned writers, writer presenters, writer agents, and writers of technical work. And this was in one day.

More Reasons for Attending a Conference

Renewed incentive to write, clarity, and honesty with myself about my writing are more reasons for attending a conference.

What did I do the morning after attending a writing conference? I worked on my novel. I meant my memoir. Wait. Haven’t I been writing about my memoir? True. In-person dialog with an agent-publisher changed my perspective temporarily. A few days later, after meditation and some soul searching, I confirmed without a shadow of a doubt, I’m writing a memoir.

During the conference other writers asked me what I’m writing. That question illustrated I wasn’t clear about my why. Now I’m clear.

Connections Matter

Lunch with writers in the conference was heightened by the side connections made with conversations at the adjoining table. The energy in the room reverberated throughout my arms and hands.

Furthermore, my tweets before and during the conference enabled me to recognize fellow writers and presenters. These digital connections made it easier to start an in-person conversation. Speakers and participants noted the consensus that Twitter is an excellent platform for writers. After all, Twitter was originally a place you could only write and write succinctly. Now it allows photos and adding more characters by commenting on the original tweet. The conference encouraged attendees to use the Twitter hashtag, #flaww, to find one another and tweet our experiences. Furthermore, I continued to use this hashtag when posting related tweets days after the conference.

Kimiko Nakamura of Writing Day Workshops coordinated, sent update emails, manned one of the registration tables and kept everything running smoothly. Members of a local writing group Tampa Writers Alliance helped wherever needed. Alliance representatives shared information about their get-togethers, critiques and poetry nights at a local Barnes and Noble. For me, the 90 minute drive didn’t appeal. Rather, it heightened my interest of making more in-person connections who were closer to my home. As a result, my contact list includes two new writers to meet long after the conference.

What to Bring to Any Conference

Bring your enthusiasm, your willingness to walk up to a stranger and introduce yourself, your ability to listen, note taking material, and your business cards. That little piece of paper may sound archaic, but it is essential when you only have less than a minute to make a personal connection. And it’s a great way to end a conversation.

“Here’s my business card. May I have one of yours?”

The second sentence, asking for theirs, is key. Then you have the ability to continue the conversation, learn more, broaden your platform through social media connections, and grow your community.

Following Up After the Conference

Review your notes. Highlight anything that stands out. Now act on it.
Gather up the business cards you collected.
Follow, friend, email, phone, connect.
Write. Write. Write.

Research in a Historic Library

Fifty years ago I was starting my summer vacation, already looking forward to my junior year in high school. Certainly, I was completely unaware how the start of school would impact the rest of my life. On the first day of the 1969-1970 school calendar, I met a man who would eventually be the love of my life. But when did school start that year? It sounds like an easy question to answer. It is not. I scanned my own memory and asked my 90-year-old mother, whose memory is incredible. We both believed school had started early, before Labor Day, sometime during my high school years, but we couldn’t be sure when. Then I remembered my genealogical research in a historic library. Perhaps it might hold the key to answer my question.

Posing the Question multiple ways

Next, I posted on a group page on Facebook looking for the answer.

“Call the high school and ask for the principal. They’ll know.”
“Ask the school board. They keep that information.”
“My birthday is August 27th and I remember we started school early before Labor Day and it ruined my birthday.”

I pursued talking to the school board, contacting Community Relations first. They were very helpful, but didn’t keep that type of information. They thought the high school might help me. Once again, each person I spoke with was very willing to help, but they just didn’t have the information.

One Closed Door Opens Another

It occurred to me that the Polk County History Center in Bartow, the county seat, might help, providing an opportunity to pursue research in a historic library.  I called and was switched to the Historical and Genealogical Library on the second floor.

“This is your lucky day!” Dorinda Morrison-Garrard, Senior Library Assistant, responded to my question. “We have minutes from school board meetings that someone painstakingly digitized for us. Let me transfer you to Preston in that section.”

Hearing those words, it seemed the clouds parted and a stream of light shone on me alone. That’s a little over-dramatic, but I did feel excited about the prospect of Preston calling me back with the actual date. I explained I was headed a little farther south to visit a friend in hospice, and I would swing by afterward, the last hour they were open. Preston explained he wasn’t sure exactly which years were in the collection. He would research and call me if he found the answer I was seeking.

The Lure of Historic Libraries

He didn’t call back, but I had promised to stop by. Since I love libraries, especially research in a historic library, I plugged in the address on my iPhone Google Maps app and set off for Bartow.

There’s something about old Southern Government Courthouse buildings that call me to them. The original county courthouse in Bartow where the History Center is located is one of them. Sitting in the car, parked right by the building, I look up the steps to the columns surrounding the tall wooden double doors. There is a skip in my step as I head to the side entrance. The receptionist is away from her station, but I remember Dorinda reminded me they are on the second floor. I see a map of the building layout and pick one up, just in case. I was really looking for the bathrooms, but anticipation sends me upstairs.

As I step out of the elevator, the Historical and Genealogical Library is just to my left. It’s familiar to me from looking up property maps with my grandparents’ names showing not only the property where I grew up, but the original property where my father spent his earliest years, less than a mile from my current home.

The Excitement of the Hunt is Contagious

Dorinda meets me at the entrance, knowing I’m the person who called. She is as excited as I am.

“We have the Lakeland Ledger right here on the microfilm reader. I think this will help your research.”

Ah, microfilm! I spent many hours at these machines before the Internet exploded, offering up multiple ways to explore historical fact-finding missions on my 5 year hunt for my ancestors back in the 1980’s. Dorinda gives me some pointers on using the reader, but the article I seek is on the screen, “School Opening Pretty Normal”. I had forgotten about the desegregation countywide in 1969. Haines City schools were on the pilot program, which started a few years earlier. The newspaper date was Wednesday, September 3, 1969 and the article referred to opening day on Tuesday. Mystery solved. My husband and I can celebrate meeting fifty years ago this coming September 2nd. And I have a verified date for my memoir. You know I couldn’t stop there. That was too easy. And I’m in a History and Genealogical Library!

The Final Step in My Research

At least three people believe we started school before Labor Day. Therefore, I thank Dorinda and then ask if she could retrieve microfilm from the last week of August in 1970. She’s delighted to help me and quickly brings back the requested spool. Dorinda demonstrates how to thread the microfilm reader and I’m off. I quickly scan the article titles, trying hard to not be distracted by all the interesting information; Erma Bombeck’s daily column, articles that have my hometown of Dundee in the title, familiar names that pop out on the page. The spool is quickly filling on the take-up reel. Then I see it. There is an advertisement for buying school supplies early, with the words, “School starts on August 31st”. It isn’t a solid piece of reporting, but worth investigating.

Quickly, I Google ‘calendar august 1970’ and there it is. Labor Day falls on September 7th, with a full week of school running from Monday, August 31st through Friday, September 4th. Verified. My greatest desire at that moment is to continue looking at microfilm or wander through the stacks. I ask where the bathroom is instead. That’s how exciting it is for me to perform research. It is more important than physical need. It gives me joy.

Pulling out my iPhone calendar as I walk to the bathroom door, I scan, looking for an empty day in the coming weeks, when I can return to more research in a historic library.