When You Want to Smile

What is the answer when you want to smile and know it’s a way to avoid the inevitable sadness and grief of losing a loved one?

Some Factors to Consider

Indeed, the answer may include many factors.

  • Your relationship with the loved one.
  • A support system.
  • Personality.
  • Outside influences.

What You Can Control

Although none of the factors in the list above is under your control, there is one area open to you – how you choose to live.

  • Surrender.
  • Allow the grief to come in.
  • Acknowledge this part of the healing process.
  • Live in the moment.

My Personal Experience

When I returned home after twenty-one days of dealing with the nuts and bolts of widowhood, I was delighted to see my weeping cherry in full bloom. The deep blue skies accentuated my joy.

Throughout the twelve-hour drive from central Florida to northwest North Carolina, I focused on living in the moment. All along the interstate in South and North Carolina, the pure white dogwood blossoms created the illusion of an open weave lace pattern among the leafless trees. Soon the vibrant purple of redbud trees joined the dance, both in native and landscaped stands.

When there were vistas of blooms at rest areas, I walked my dog where I could see the entire scene. In the North Carolina Welcome Center, I strolled through the pollinator garden created by the local garden club chapter. For me, nature always pulls me into living in the moment.

Tears still flowed in private moments, sitting in my car when my deep sadness overcame the moment. I surrender then and continue to submit to grief. The intensity isn’t linear. Instead, my grief follows a path including both current and past losses. This time I’m allowing the flow of emotion, welcoming quiet solitude, and feeling the difference.

The Next Phase

With this newfound flow, I feel hope. As I move through grief, my strength increases. I’m learning how to allow life to move at a slower pace. Completing necessary tasks, I feel alive, more whole.

Each week I dip my toe a tad deeper into my adopted community. Perhaps the local garden club chapter will offer the expertise needed to add season-long perennial color. Does the inaugural High Country Jazz Festival appeal? Or maybe the monthly Candlelight Ghost Tour in Wilkesboro. When you want to smile, I find life offers all the opportunities we allow to come into it.

Finding the Right Mother’s Day Card

Finding the Right Mother’s Day Card

Finding the right Mother’s Day card has given me a headache in past years, especially if I waited too long and the selection was getting sparse. This year is different.

A Chance Meeting

Earlier this week, I was in the Hallmark aisle at Publix, selecting a Mother’s Day card for Mom. As I approached the section, I noticed a 30-ish young woman who seemed mildly exasperated.

“Sometimes it’s hard to find the right one,” I said.

”Yeah. My mom is a Strong Mother. All these gushing messages don’t ring true for me.”

”Don’t I know it!”

”The Strong Mother cards are near the bottom,” she added.

We said goodbye behind our colorful, handmade masks and I started my quest.

A Strong Mother

Her phrase, a strong mother, had made an impression. Rather than feeding a judgement about her mother, she had given our shared reality a positive spin.

Now I was in a different mood, focused on the best thing about my relationship with my mother. Laughter. We share a lot of wholesome, good-natured, joyful, loving, laughter. It was easy to find a funny card to make us both smile.

How Did My Mood Change?

Finding the right Mother’s Day card is a shared experience, especially among women. That was evident when the lady on the card aisle had two cards in her hand; one for her mother and one for her mother-in-law. In this shared energy, we were both open to share our feelings.

Be open to accept positive energy

Additionally, I have taken many small steps toward forgiveness in regards to Mom. She did the best she could do. I did the best I could do as a human being and a mother. And you are doing the best you can do.

Forgiveness of others opens up forgiveness of yourself

Finally, realize that forgiveness is incremental in nature. The relationship between a mother and her children is complex, taking many small steps to unravel until the last trace of hurt and anger are gone. Along the way, find ways to bring joy into the relationship right now.

Live in this moment with joy

Enjoy Yourself!

Whether or not you are a mother, you deserve happiness everyday, including Mother’s Day. Start the day with some deep, cleansing breaths and welcome joy into your life. Regardless of who raised you, thank your birth mother for bringing you into the world. Then continue to thank her or whomever cared for you… They helped you arrive where you are today.

If this is just too hard, take one step toward forgiveness by writing out your feelings on paper. Keep writing until you feel better, until the tears come less, until your body says, “That’s enough for today.” Repeat this tomorrow.. or next week.. whatever feels right to you.

Love and blessings,
Dawn

I Welcome You 2021

It’s time to say, “I welcome you 2021” with gusto!

Resolutions or Goals?

Resolutions suggest you need to change. Goals say, “I’m excited about my possibilities!” Will you join me in choosing goals?

Letting Go of the Past

My last post was about letting go of Thankful for 20192019 with gratitude. Perhaps you need to review that process. Basically, with thankfulness, we can more easily let go of past disappointment and pain. After all, there is nothing we can do about the past or the future.

Our best option is living in the moment.

Steps to Welcome 2021

First, ground yourself and take a few deep breaths. If you need a little more help on getting yourself grounded and ready for this welcome to 2021 exercise, review my article on saying goodbye to 2020.

Next, write a love letter to 2021. Include why you are excited to step into a new year, what you are ready to create, and the experiences, intentions, and goals for 2021. Simple, right?

If You Find This Difficult

Give yourself a break, literally and figuratively. This last year has been rough for everyone. Ease into 2021 with daily self-care rituals and lots of alone time for contemplation.

Reread the Steps to Welcome 2021 slowly. Write them out in a way that speaks to you. Restart your love letter to 2021 or start a new one. Be gentle with yourself.

Nope – I’m a Superstar at This

If you are feeling confident about your love letter to 2021, you might want to go a step further and create a place of honor for your letter. Surround it with  objects that make you smile. Draw beautiful symbols around the edges. You can also frame it. Use your intuition to create just the right place for your love letter.

Final Tips for Your Letter

Expounding on your letter, you could create a list of goals for 2021. Maybe you find 2, 5, 10, or even more goals in your letter. Go with your gut feeling or place your hand over your heart and breathe into your goal list. Listen. Feel. You will know when it is right. You will know when you have finished; when you have said, “I welcome you 2021” fully.

Finally, I want to thank Connie Chapman, my go-to life coach, for teaching me all about letting go and setting goals to live my inspired life. We all need support, mentors, and love on this journey called life.

A Bonus for You

I’m happy you have landed on my page and read my blog. Furthermore, if you sign-up for my newsletter, you will receive regular emails in your inbox where I share my articles and glimpses into my life.

Bravely moving into 2021,
Dawn