Sometimes You Need a Break

Sometimes, it’s difficult for me to focus. I’ve been told, and rightfully so, that I can get distracted by the many areas of life that give me joy. That changed recently when I realized that sometimes you need a break.

It’s all about community.

God stepped into the lives of many in the southeastern United States recently and gave us a break. At first, losing my power and running water for eight days was startling. But others suffered real tragedies: lives lost, homes destroyed, and vehicles swamped. Without a digital connection to the outside world, we lived in the small worlds we shared with close neighbors, unaware of the extent of this storm beyond.

Planning was Crucial

As a native Floridian, I experienced Hurricane Donna in 1960. Even today, Hurricane Donna is the only storm to affect every state along the Eastern coast with hurricane-force winds. At the time, my family lived in a wood-frame, two-story home with a half-basement. The house was surrounded by acres of citrus trees, with a lawn that flowed downhill toward a crystal-clear lake. There were mature avocado trees on both sides of our home.

Part of our preparation was filling the bathtub with water we planned to drink. Since my sister and I slept upstairs, we came downstairs on Saturday, October 10, 1960. I still remember the casement windows rattling within their frames as the hurricane approached. The whole house creaked, and the wind howled. But I still fell asleep, trusting that we would be okay.

A tree had fallen before the backdoor when we awoke the next morning. I hurried to peer out the windows along every wall. The ground was strewn with branches wherever I looked. As Dad retrieved a chainsaw from the barn, my sister and I were tasked with picking up debris in the front yard. My first thought was, “No school. We are still on summer vacation!”

We began walking down to the lake to take daily baths. Soon, we were tired of the extended two-week vacation without power. Sometimes, you need a break from the break.

We cheered when Mr. Kier from the power company showed up at our house. We knew him well back then. It always seemed something was happening to our electric meter. A non-poisonous snake coiled itself inside it, and later, a black widow spider took up residence.

I Prepared for Hurricane Helene

In hindsight, I wish I had filled my bathtub in my North Carolina mountain home. But I was luckier than many. My house is clear from the danger of fallen trees, plus my driveway is flat and close to a paved road. Although I’m only 1/3 mile from a bridge across the South Fork of the North River, it’s all downhill, which eliminated the danger of flooding for me. My only route out was a quarter-mile uphill, where my road intersected a larger two-lane road.

If only I had consulted with my Florida friends who experienced the quadruple hurricane threat of 2004. Then, I wouldn’t have needed to drive out daily to charge my phone and look for a cup of coffee.

Next time, I’ll have these items.

My friend, who just waited out Hurricane Milton in Englewood, FL, suggested I get some portable chargers. My sister told me a French press saved their coffee-loving lives during the 2004 Florida hurricane season (Charley, Frances, Ivan, and Jeanne).

Since this post is about hurricanes, in 2004, between August 13th and September 25th, Florida was blasted with four hurricanes. Most of my friends and family lived in Florida peninsula’s center, in Polk, Orange, or Osceola counties. And hurricanes were always more of a problem along the Atlantic or Gulf coasts. That’s why I hadn’t experienced many in Florida. Then I moved to Colorado at the end of the last century. I guess I’m pretty lucky with extreme weather. However, I did get caught in a snowstorm soon after moving to the Denver area – another story for another time.

What was the break like?

It became an easy routine. I woke up with the sunrise and went to bed shortly after sunset. My supply of scented candles from High Country Candles in Blowing Rock was enough to light the major rooms in my house, but if you can’t read or write by candlelight, you might as well sleep.

Fear tends to grip us when we are off the grid. Staying home, reading a book, and sitting on the back deck watching the birds seems safer. Later, I realized the lack of information was a blessing. Everyone else was seeing the destruction and worrying about their friends and family.

Information was more likely from my son in Texas than anywhere close to me. For the first four days, my phone vacillated back and forth from one bar to SOS mode at my home. But I could receive texts, and when I ventured out using my charger in the car, I had excellent service in West Jefferson.

Within the first twelve hours, the nearby towns of West Jefferson and Jefferson had power, and locals had cleared many roads of fallen trees. For me, it was easy to drive twelve miles into town and visit my favorite coffee shop or fast-food restaurant for my morning coffee. But it took me a few days to realize it was even possible. And when I realized this would take a while, ice was difficult to find.

I had no email and no Internet. I had plenty of potable water, propane, and a gas cooktop to heat water and water in buckets from the storm to flush the toilet. The temperatures were pleasant.

How I realized the power was back on.

On Saturday afternoon, I sat with the dog on the back deck, watching the birds. I apologized to my dog for the interruption, as I needed to use the bathroom.

Before I even sat down, I noticed an unfamiliar sound. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks! The toilet was running, which meant the pump to the well was on! I rushed to the one clock I had left plugged in and gazed in wonder at the flashing numbers.

Quickly, I calculated the most likely time the electricity had come back on – 2:19 p.m.

What did I do first?

I set an alarm on my phone to turn on the hot water heater.

A few months earlier, I had a new hot water heater and well pump installed. One of the qurstions I had for the plumber was about losing electricity. He suggested I turn off the hot water heater if that happenned because it would damage it to suddenly turn on if empty.

Thirty minutes later I enjoyed my first shower in over a week. It felt like heaven on earth.

How has my life changed?

At first, I started slipping into using electricity as I had always done. But after some soul searching, I realized how much I enjoyed my slower pace.

Now, I deliberately give myself breaks from the TV, social media, my laptop, and my phone. It was hard to write this, too. And I’m doing it differently. Rather than write in Substack, I’m writing this post on the website blog I’ve had for years. Then I’ll paste it into Substack to share with you.

I don’t know how often I’ll write, but I know it will be with more thought and love than before. Because sometimes you need a break.

 

How to Support a Grieving Friend

Today, I am writing and talking about how to support a grieving friend.

Is it challenging to pick up the phone and call them?

If you are experiencing grief, reaching out to others who are also grieving can be healing. Like the photo above, our suffering can be hidden away, but when we support each other, our grief is lessened, and we take a small step forward like the fawns as they move out of the wetland and across the path to lush green grass.

They seem to be different ages. One has distinct spots, while the other’s spots have faded. Do you think they both have mothers? Perhaps one is an orphan, and the other is comforting them.

Overcoming Initial Reluctance

But what do you say to someone grieving without making it worse? Preparation helps.

First, take a few slow, deep breaths to connect to your heart rather than your head.

Then, consider using this outline as a guide.

  • Brainstorm how you will start the conversation.
  • Just listen.
  • Conclude the call by asking if you can call again in a few days.
  • Afterward, make a reminder in your calendar to call again.

How to Support a Grieving Friend

When is the Time Right to Call?

The time to call is now. If they aren’t ready, they won’t answer. If it’s been a few weeks and everyone has returned to their homes and routines, that may be the best time to call.

Before picking up the phone, write what you plan to say. Then you can just read your words.

“Hi, dear friend. It’s Dawn. I was thinking about you today and wondered how you are doing.”

Depending on their day, they may burst out crying. Or perhaps there is complete silence. Regardless, your response is to listen. It’s not necessary to say anything. When you punched in their number, the love in your heart started flowing toward them. And they need your love more than anything you can say.

When we feel nervous about the quiet moments, it’s easy to say something hurtful like, “I know how you feel.” It makes my heart ache to write those words. Regardless of our grief journey, we can never know what anyone else feels. But we can hold space in silence for them to take small steps toward healing their grief.

Knowing When to End the Call

Grieving can be exhausting. The call might end after a few minutes, or perhaps they need to tell the story again.

As you listen, it may feel like it’s time to wind down the call. Or you might feel exhausted and want to end the conversation. That’s okay.

Before you hang up, ask them if it’s alright to call them again in a few days.

Then, please make an appointment or reminder to call them. It will be easier the next time. And if you are also grieving, reaching out to others will heal your grief wounds, too.

If You Found This Helpful

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter below. If you think talking to a Grief Coach will help you heal your grief wounds, let’s start a conversation via email.

Obituary for Norman B. Anderson

This is based on the original obituary for Norman B. Anderson from the Valley Courier in Monte Vista, Colorado, in April 2015. At the time of Dad’s death, I wrote his official obituary with great difficulty. Here, I have rewritten the facts of that document from a place of grief wounds that continue to heal.

Norman Raymond Bernhard (Swede) Anderson, 85, of La Garita, CO, passed away at home on Monday, April 6, 2015. He was born in the Carlson-Taylor home in Lake Hamilton, FL, on August 1, 1929.

A Favorite Story

Swede grew up exploring the swamps and back country of Central Florida along the shores of Lake Marion. He told us stories of walking barefoot into the woods with his dog. There were some Seminole Indians who came to the Lake Marion area. He was just a little guy around five years old. The Seminoles wore traditional clothing and turbans, and they were scary. Norman would hide when he saw the Seminoles.

Citrus was His Career

After a freeze killed the grove on Lake Marion, his family settled on the shore of Crystal Lake in Dundee, FL, where his parents planted a 15-acre orange grove. He took care of the “home grove” and contracted out caring for groves owned by others. Eventually, he bought his groves with a friend, and they worked them together. Money was always tight, so Swede worked on his farming equipment and used his native ingenuity to craft innovative grove irrigation, tree cultivation, and pruning machinery.

His Hobbies Remembered

His hobbies included fishing, hunting, gardening, backpacking throughout the US, blacksmithing, and creating forged Damascus steel knives. A kinship with the outdoors brought Swede and wife Sue to the Rio Grande forest on a backpacking trip. They fell in love with the San Luis Valley and La Garita, which became their new home in October 1989. Swede continued to make knives and fabricate machine parts for residents. Family and friends will greatly miss him.

A Love for All of Nature

Swede loved all animals in the wild. He was especially fond of snakes. Rats were a problem in the Dundee, FL, property barn. But there were red rat snakes around that kept the rat population down. The 4-foot snakes seemed to know no harm would come from members of the Anderson family, and they were seen in many places near the house, including along the top of the stairs down to the half-basement and near the shore of Crystal Lake.

There were also poisonous snakes, including a coral snake over 3 feet long that liked to stay around the house foundation. Norman’s mother, Edith Anderson, disliked snakes and finally convinced him to kill the coral snake as she feared the children (Lila and Dawn) would be bitten. The hide was so beautiful Swede was curing it on a board in the barn. Unfortunately, an animal carried it off before the hide was dry.

A few Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnakes were in the area, including one that wandered into the Boston Ferns in the front yard near the lake shore. Swede heard it and walked into the ferns, asking Sue for his pistol. The family dog, “Jingles,” was with him and was bitten in the muzzle by the snake. Swede saw the strike and shot the rattlesnake. “Jingles” went to the vet but couldn’t be saved. Losing a loved pet to snakebite was a teaching opportunity about death and loss and, for the girls, instilled a healthy respect for rattlesnakes.

At home in La Garita, CO, a couple of Prairie Rattlesnakes preyed on the many resident chipmunks. His wife Sue doesn’t like snakes but understands why Swede is so protective of them. A pack rat was bitten by a rattlesnake in front of the house. It retreated behind some poultry wire around a clematis. Poultry wire and snakes aren’t compatible. The snake got stuck in the wire. Swede rescued the snake and removed the paralyzed pack rat to a safe place for the rattlesnake to consume it. Later, one of the rattlesnakes died, caught in another area of poultry wire. After that, he removed all the poultry wire.

His Loving Family

Norman is survived by his loving wife of 65 years, Sue Linebaugh Anderson; daughters Lila Rogers of St. Cloud, FL, Dawn Anderson of Centennial, CO; grandchildren; David Marciano of Pearland, TX, Lawrence Marciano of Orlando, FL, Elizabeth Opala of Eagle River, AK and Michael Rogers of St. Cloud, FL, great-grandchildren; Charlotte Marciano and Benjamin Marciano of Pearland, TX. Cousins in Sweden also survive him.
Swede was preceded in death by his father, Linus Falka Valentina Anderson of Kristenehamn, Sweden, mother, Edith Elizabeth Peterson of Sigel, Wisconsin, and sister, Lila Anderson Roads of Sacramento, California.
Swede donated his body to science via Science Care. At a future date, there will be a potluck memorial service at his favorite local spot where he enjoyed the coffee, conversation, and many meals – the La Garita Trading Post.

View photos of Swede Anderson in a Flickr Album.