Category: Grief Recovery

How do You Know?

How do you know when you are on the right path toward achieving your life purpose?

This is a question I have been trying to answer for years. Finally, I have a received a clear example to share with you.

How Do You Know?

We have heard that Spirit will show you whether you are on the right path with signs. These signs are unique for you and delivered in a way that makes them apparent. Some delivery methods might be:

  1. A meaningful song comes over the car radio.
  2. An animal exhibits memorable behavior right in front of you.
  3. Someone you’ve never met starts a conversation like you’re an old friend.
  4. Clouds form an unmistakable animal shape.

I used these examples because they happened to me. I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comment section below.

Here is My Example

Relationships are essential in my life and how I will positively impact the world. So, it isn’t surprising that my example involves someone seeking me out. I’m using a pseudonym for this person. Let’s call him Charlie.

The Chance Encounter

I’m watering a newly planted flowerbed in my front yard on a sunny early summer afternoon. A young man in a red pickup truck pulls into my driveway, gets out, and comes toward me with a big smile. I’m intrigued.

“Hi. I’m Charlie, and I noticed that your lawn needs mowing. This week I graduate from high school, and I’m looking for customers for my mowing business to earn money for college and wonder if you are interested.”

This young man’s personality immediately draws me in. Unfortunately, I have someone who currently mows my yard. Charlie and I exchanged phone numbers after I explained that I might need his services if my current yardman doesn’t work out.

He Reaches Out Again

After a few weeks, Charlie texted me.

“Hi, this is Charlie. I stopped by a while ago asking about your yard. I just drove by, and it looked a little high. Do you need it mowed?”

Immediately, I knew Charlie should start mowing my yard. I felt warm in my chest, like my body was telling me, “Yes!”

There Was More, A Lot More

Before Charlie reached out the second time, I realized he was a suicide survivor like me.

Each week I meet him by his equipment trailer for a quick conversation. It’s easy to talk to him with the soil beneath our feet. This grounding effect in the pure country air creates a safe place for Charlie to talk about the events of his brother’s suicide.

Eventually, he starts talking about his parents and their grief.

And I realize my question, “How do you know?” has been answered. Charlie has shown me through his ease with me that I am in the right place. Embracing grief coaching is another step toward living my life purpose.

Coaching is Just a Conversation

Allowing Charlie to voice his thoughts and feelings is the beginning of healing his grief wounds. And when both the client and the coach feel at ease, it’s almost magic.

Next Steps

If you feel connected to the grief coaching process, let’s start a conversation by email at: Dawn@dawnlaurenanderson.com

Take your first step toward healing your grief wounds.

Today Marks One Year

Today marks one year since my mother’s soul passed over. But, as one life ends, another begins. Her birth allowed her grandmother to see how a new life overshadowed her son’s death. And now, after one year, I feel my life begin anew.

Does one year seem a long time to feel the wounds of grief heal? Or perhaps it has been a time of healing other wounds too.

What is the Right Way to Grieve?

I’ve got some good news for you. First, there isn’t one right way to grieve. Each person moves through grief differently. And that will change each time you experience it. After all, death marks the end of physical life, but you shared so many memorable moments before.

Second, no one can judge your grief experience. It belongs to you.

However, there has been much research about the grieving process, which may help you understand your feelings.

I can best illustrate some of this process by sharing my experience with complicated grief.

Complicated Grief

Complicated grief occurs when you can’t resume normal activities because your grief keeps getting in the way. As expected, this aspect of grief is multi-faceted. For me, the most obvious was my delayed grief.

Delayed Grief

Delayed grief occurred when I had excessive reactions years after my father died.

Dad loved visiting Bok Tower Gardens in Lake Wales, Florida. He started making knives late in life using blacksmithing techniques, including pattern welding. He admired the beauty of Samuel Yellin‘s ironwork on the gates and bridges that connect to the tower’s location. This photo was taken during one of my parents’ winter visits to Florida in the 1980s, after they had moved to Saguache County, Colorado.

Bok Tower Brass Door
The brass door polishing is partly completed.

I also loved Bok Tower and was a volunteer Garden Guide in the years before COVID. We ended each garden tour at the tower, pointing out Edward Bok’s gravesite with the white flowers and explaining the meaning of the bronze door. On one of these tours, I was suddenly overcome with uncontrolled sobbing. It occurred just as I turned away from my group of twenty tourists to talk about the door.

Taking a deep breath, I wiped the tears away, turned around, and quickly finished the tour. A few people stayed behind to offer their loving understanding. Somehow, I kept from completely breaking down. It was the winter of 2018.

I had lost my grandparents, divorced my first husband, experienced being a suicide survivor of my second marriage, and comforted my father as he died an unaided death at home. All these losses spanned forty-five years, but they had started coming closer together with my husband’s suicide in September 2014 and Dad’s death in April 2015.

Grief doesn’t have to be as dramatic or cumulative as mine to suffer deep wounds. However, when it interferes with normal activity, it’s a sign to seek help, which I have often done.

But What is Normal Activity?

I’d also like to share that my perception of ‘normal activity’ had become skewed.

Did I experience ‘normal activity’ before my 23-year marriage ended in divorce? Then I lived in a world that revolved around my husband’s wants and the demands of mothering two sons. I had no concept of my own dreams. Was that normal?

The truth is that my life doesn’t feel like it was ever normal. What a relief!

So today marks one year. And as I continue healing my grief wounds, I can create a normal life that is mine. The possibilities are endless. Your options to create the life you want are endless too.

With love and compassion,
Dawn

Grief on the First Mother’s Day Afterward

Grief on the first Mother’s Day afterward surprised me. I ignored it, forgot it, and didn’t face the fact that my mother passed away last year. It’s an example of how I’ve used denial in my grief. Mother’s Day was never a time I looked forward to for myself. So, I always focused on Mom.

But she isn’t here now. The last time I saw her was almost a year ago.

But before that, on October 15, 2020, Mom and I ate at one of our favorite seafood restaurants, Crazy Fish, in Lake Wales, Florida. It’s such a noisy place. We were excited to sit outside in the coolness. Perhaps we laughed about one of her stories before I took our selfie above.

What Woke Me Up?

My sister posted a picture on social media of the last time she and my brother-in-law hugged Mom. I commented, “Today it hit me… the first Mother’s Day without Mom.

Rather Than Sit with My Emotion

Since I was on my laptop, I automatically checked my email and was startled to find an email inviting me to use newspapers.com to see if Mom ever made it to the paper. I became lost down the rabbit hole of looking up every closely related woman in the newspapers. It was a fantastic avoidance tactic.

But I also learned new things about my mother, grandmothers, and aunts. Also, I was reminded how different married life was for women a generation older than me.

To find newspaper articles about your mother’s generation successfully, search for “Mrs.” and their husband’s name. Only one person in my family used her name, my Aunt Lila Roads. And it was clear how she was different. Aunt Lila entered the business world, where she sought employment in administrative roles. Most of my other relatives were homemakers, and their mentions were on the social pages, which was a perfect place for women in the Deep South. So, since Aunt Lila and Uncle Mick moved to the more progressive state of California, she ended up in the newspaper.

What did I learn about Mom?

There were many articles about her engagement and wedding, but what intrigued me the most was an inquiry sent to The Tampa Tribune’s Food section’s “Recipes: Lost and Found.” She asked for a coconut cake recipe with coconut milk. And I found the responses!

This is interesting because my Mom’s sister, Carolyn, and I have discussed the long-standing hunt for their mother’s famous coconut cake recipe. Is this it? I think it has the basic ingredients, but my grandmother always used fresh coconut, often from West Palm Beach, Florida. After all, that’s where her mother lived, along with her older sister. There would have been a lot of love in those coconuts.

The hours I spent searching for newspaper articles never resulted in tears. It kept my mind busy and opened up new realizations. It helped me celebrate the memory of my mother rather than mourn the loss of her touch. Sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the tears. So, I’m happy about that.

What About the Grief?

My grief feels like it’s in my face, especially right now with the reminder of Mother’s Day. While writing, I’ve taken many crying breaks. Letting the feelings flow out feels good, leaving room for the joy of happy memories.

And one truth exists for anyone mourning a loss. Ignoring or avoiding the deep feelings of grief are impediments to healing. And I want to heal.

What are Some Ways for You to Heal?

Writing your feelings down is a great way to get your grief moving. Choose a place where you feel safe to cry or even scream if that is what you need. Your path toward healing is uniquely you. There are no right or wrong ways to express grief.

Walk outside. Grief can make us feel isolated, so getting up and moving helps to lift your mood.

Deep breathing is always welcome.

Here is one of my favorite deep breathing methods.

    • Take a deep breath in, filling your lungs.
    • Take one more sip of air at the top of your breath.
    • Exhale with a big sigh, “Aaaaaaaaa,” as you release all the air.

I always feel better when I do any of these activities.

Here’s wishing you a peaceful weekend.

Sending you loving kindness,
Dawn