Getting Older Archives

Winter is a Season to Cherish

Winter is a season to cherish, especially in the winter of your life.

This view from my desk was on January 11, 2025. I was still recovering from the flu and had no intention of dealing with the snow on my front steps. However, the stillness and purity of the white blanket across this scene gave me a sense of calmness that carried over into one of the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had.

We had warmer temperatures over the next few days, and the icy mess from this snow melted. I felt better each day and eventually dealt with the last remnants before the next snow arrived late last Sunday.

Snow Removal Joy

Then, the temperatures plummeted as the evening progressed. By Monday, the morning low was 13 F, and the high was 24 F. I prepared to remove the 2 inches of snow as soon as I awoke. This airy and light snow made a standard broom my best snow removal tool.

Here’s the layering I used over leggings and a cotton turtleneck during my outdoor winter chores.

My fingertips got a bit cold, but the rest of my body was fine as I swept off the front steps and a portion of the back deck. The blue gloves are the most unusual items in this assortment of banishers for winter’s cold. Here’s how they came into my life.

When I worked for the Denver Department of Environmental Health, I watered the plants of one of the scientists, Cindy B., while she was on vacation. She gave those gloves to me in thanks. They are called Foxgloves, and the tag said they were for gardening. That seemed ill-advised, and I never used them in the garden. However, I realized they were perfect as an added layer of insulation inside gloves when I shoveled snow off the sidewalks in front of my Littleton, CO, home before walking to the bus that took me to downtown Denver.

I think of Cindy with a smile every time I pull the Foxgloves over my hands, realizing winter is a season to cherish.

The Seasons of My Life

I am still excited to clear snow off surfaces like my front steps and back deck. In the spring of my life, as a child in Central Florida, I dreamed of experiencing the change of the seasons. I was in my mid-20s when I first saw snow on a skiing trip to Killington, VT.

I spent my summer years in Florida, which always seemed to be summer. We did have a break from the heat with annual visits to Downeast Maine. During my autumn years, I first experienced all the nuances of seasonal change when I lived and worked in Colorado.

Shortly after my retirement, I moved back to Florida for five years before the mountains lured me northward again.

Now, I embrace each day in the winter of my life, enjoying the goldfinches and juncos that visit my native meadows for winter seeds. Various birds find sustenance in the seed, fruit, and suet at the feeders, and a bird bath is warmed to keep the ice away.

As the winter’s hold loosens, Spring plants will begin to emerge. Although I love my native plant gardens, I also love spring bulbs. In my garden, there is room for plants that originated in different places, just as there is room in my life for people who chose to stay where they were born or who left to experience new places to live and thrive.

Nature Heals and Enriches

My need to be one with nature has brought me spiritual healing from grief, physical well-being, and joy as I delight in all the plants, animals, and people God has brought into my life.

I look forward to my next phase of life enriched with clarity, deeper truth, and purity as I release what feels heavy in my soul to embrace the wisdom and light of this sacred season of life.

Today Marks One Year

Today marks one year since my mother’s soul passed over. But, as one life ends, another begins. Her birth allowed her grandmother to see how a new life overshadowed her son’s death. And now, after one year, I feel my life begin anew.

Does one year seem a long time to feel the wounds of grief heal? Or perhaps it has been a time of healing other wounds too.

What is the Right Way to Grieve?

I’ve got some good news for you. First, there isn’t one right way to grieve. Each person moves through grief differently. And that will change each time you experience it. After all, death marks the end of physical life, but you shared so many memorable moments before.

Second, no one can judge your grief experience. It belongs to you.

However, there has been much research about the grieving process, which may help you understand your feelings.

I can best illustrate some of this process by sharing my experience with complicated grief.

Complicated Grief

Complicated grief occurs when you can’t resume normal activities because your grief keeps getting in the way. As expected, this aspect of grief is multi-faceted. For me, the most obvious was my delayed grief.

Delayed Grief

Delayed grief occurred when I had excessive reactions years after my father died.

Dad loved visiting Bok Tower Gardens in Lake Wales, Florida. He started making knives late in life using blacksmithing techniques, including pattern welding. He admired the beauty of Samuel Yellin‘s ironwork on the gates and bridges that connect to the tower’s location. This photo was taken during one of my parents’ winter visits to Florida in the 1980s, after they had moved to Saguache County, Colorado.

Bok Tower Brass Door — The brass door polishing is partly completed.

I also loved Bok Tower and was a volunteer Garden Guide in the years before COVID. We ended each garden tour at the tower, pointing out Edward Bok’s gravesite with the white flowers and explaining the meaning of the bronze door. On one of these tours, I was suddenly overcome with uncontrolled sobbing. It occurred just as I turned away from my group of twenty tourists to talk about the door.

Taking a deep breath, I wiped the tears away, turned around, and quickly finished the tour. A few people stayed behind to offer their loving understanding. Somehow, I kept from completely breaking down. It was the winter of 2018.

I had lost my grandparents, divorced my first husband, experienced being a suicide survivor of my second marriage, and comforted my father as he died an unaided death at home. All these losses spanned forty-five years, but they had started coming closer together with my husband’s suicide in September 2014 and Dad’s death in April 2015.

Grief doesn’t have to be as dramatic or cumulative as mine to suffer deep wounds. However, when it interferes with normal activity, it’s a sign to seek help, which I have often done.

But What is Normal Activity?

I’d also like to share that my perception of ‘normal activity’ had become skewed.

Did I experience ‘normal activity’ before my 23-year marriage ended in divorce? Then I lived in a world that revolved around my husband’s wants and the demands of mothering two sons. I had no concept of my own dreams. Was that normal?

The truth is that my life doesn’t feel like it was ever normal. What a relief!

So today marks one year. And as I continue healing my grief wounds, I can create a normal life that is mine. The possibilities are endless. Your options to create the life you want are endless too.

With love and compassion,
Dawn

Four Tips on Responding to Death

Today I offer four tips on responding to death from my viewpoint as a recent widow. My words are not a template for dealing with a similar situation in your life. However, it may help you make decisions when you don’t know what to say or do.

Some Background First

My husband died one week ago. He taught history at the high school I attended and lived in the area his entire life.

His death marks my second time as a widow. You might think it would get easier, but it doesn’t. Nor is it a similar experience. For me, this is proof that dealing with the death of a close loved one is unique for each person, each occurrence.

Although I’m writing through the lens of my own experience, I feel it may help you in your experiences.

Four Tips on Responding to Death

Above all else, respect the surviving spouse.
Look into your heart before you act.
Reach out with a loving, personal memory of the loved one.
Listen without judgment.

Respecting the Spouse

Losing a spouse is about as intimate as it gets. No one else knows the reality they are facing. The first days are tough, both from an emotional standpoint and a logistical one. Shock has always been my first reaction. My reaction to shock is action. Even so, it’s challenging to sift through all the possible steps to take.

By respecting the spouse, you allow them to take the time they need. Furthermore, you communicate with them before acting yourself. The reason is simple. Your actions may further complicate and add unneeded stress.

Look Into Your Heart Before Acting

Even though we are all different, some things are universal. We often do something for a less than loving reason. However, if you can take a few moments after you hear the news of the passing to take some deep breaths and honestly ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? Is it out of love or something else?” Then, consider how to best show support and love for all concerned.

Share a Loving Personal Memory

The sweetest moment this past week was a text I received from one of my husband’s close friends.

“For what it’s worth, he expressed to me his joy at reconnecting with you, despite me breaking his b-$$s about it.”

Of course, my first response was a smile and then a warm feeling in my heart. Next, my day suddenly grew even brighter when I read a Facebook message from a student who shared her favorite memory.

Listen Without Judgment

I know a lot about judgment. It’s taken me most of my life to release a great deal of it. But unfortunately, for many of us, stressful situations allow judgment to resurface.

As I spoke or texted with multiple friends, I found that if they judged me, I reacted negatively. However, my resentment softened and disappeared when they allowed me to let it out and gave me loving examples of what the person who judged me may have felt.

Final Thoughts

There are so many sources of stress and upset in our lives. Most of them are from situations outside our control. Although losing a loved one is inevitable, we always choose our words and actions. May peace and understanding be your guide as you navigate loss within your challenging situation.