Category: Family

Your Most Important Relationship

Your most important relationship is how you feel about yourself.

Perhaps you are thinking, “I’ve heard that one before!” Regardless, it bears repeating. The love we have or don’t have for ourselves affects the quality and success of all other relationships.

Early Relationships

Parents certainly rank up there in importance. We are born pretty helpless compared to other mammals. We all depend on mother’s milk, which is uniquely perfect for infants. Even if that doesn’t work out, the baby formula helps us grow. It’s the care and comfort of our caregiver that makes us thrive.

If there are older siblings, they can be important too. But are they confident of the love they receive? Is there enough love to go around?

What’s Different for You?

We need a particular set of circumstances to thrive. However, the basic need for food, water, and shelter are the same—the type and amount of affection need variation.

For instance, my older sister was the first grandchild near our paternal grandparents, who lived next door. When I came along twenty months later, the female caregivers in my life were overwhelmed. Dad took up the slack.

My favorite photo is of Dad giving me a bottle when I was two weeks old. He’s smoking a pipe with cherry-flavored tobacco. I’m propped up on his knees as he’s relaxing in bed. My face lights up, fixated on his smile and the smoke drifting upward.

To this day, I love the smell of cherry-flavored tobacco. Furthermore, I find the scent of cigarette smoke pleasant.

Accept All Aspects of Yourself

Even if it’s politically incorrect to enjoy the smoke, I’ve learned it’s okay for me. I also realized I didn’t particularly appreciate smoking myself. Still later, extensive allergy testing revealed an allergy to tobacco.

Start developing your most important relationship now. If you are unsure how to start, consider journaling. First thing in the morning is the best time to connect with the love that remains inside you. You are worthy.

Learning from Their Life Choices

Learning from their life choices is a great way to avoid some pitfalls. In this instance I’m referring to my mother. I have cared for her the last five years. In spite of my age (67), this past week I’ve seen clearly how my own choices can be improved.

Choose Your Viewpoint

Learning from their life choices, is influenced by the viewpoint we select.

  1. Looking downward in judgement
  2. From a place below them, feeling defensive
  3. Stretching out with care and curiosity

#3 is a viewpoint that enriches our lives and the lives of others. We are equal on this earthly plane. In fact, the equality is based on our sameness. Furthermore, we are all on this earth to learn, grow, and find our uniqueness, our special way we can help each other.

You Don’t Need to Feel Apologetic

If you feel a burden to others, remember “It’s okay.” You are teaching them something valuable.

If you feel you are or have been burdened by others, remember, “It’s okay.” Their difficulty is a window into your internal struggles. This is even true when they are no longer in your life.

We can bring memories into the present moment, activate our curiosity about what we can learn from it and transform the memory into a peaceful, heart-filled new reality.

Add a Dose of Gratefulness

I find meditation is a beautiful way to start the day. The Ten Percent Happier app is my go to place each morning. For instance, today Anushka Fernandopulle led me through a ten minute Grateful for Your Body meditation. It was exactly what I needed.

I invite you to download the Ten Percent app and try it. If it resonates, keep it and pay for it. Yes, I know there are tons of free meditations on YouTube. If you are happy with that and use it everyday, you need look no farther. For me, I find the helpful words of the meditation experts on Ten Percent Happier app are exactly right for me.

Finding the Right Mother’s Day Card

Finding the Right Mother’s Day Card

Finding the right Mother’s Day card has given me a headache in past years, especially if I waited too long and the selection was getting sparse. This year is different.

A Chance Meeting

Earlier this week, I was in the Hallmark aisle at Publix, selecting a Mother’s Day card for Mom. As I approached the section, I noticed a 30-ish young woman who seemed mildly exasperated.

“Sometimes it’s hard to find the right one,” I said.

”Yeah. My mom is a Strong Mother. All these gushing messages don’t ring true for me.”

”Don’t I know it!”

”The Strong Mother cards are near the bottom,” she added.

We said goodbye behind our colorful, handmade masks and I started my quest.

A Strong Mother

Her phrase, a strong mother, had made an impression. Rather than feeding a judgement about her mother, she had given our shared reality a positive spin.

Now I was in a different mood, focused on the best thing about my relationship with my mother. Laughter. We share a lot of wholesome, good-natured, joyful, loving, laughter. It was easy to find a funny card to make us both smile.

How Did My Mood Change?

Finding the right Mother’s Day card is a shared experience, especially among women. That was evident when the lady on the card aisle had two cards in her hand; one for her mother and one for her mother-in-law. In this shared energy, we were both open to share our feelings.

Be open to accept positive energy

Additionally, I have taken many small steps toward forgiveness in regards to Mom. She did the best she could do. I did the best I could do as a human being and a mother. And you are doing the best you can do.

Forgiveness of others opens up forgiveness of yourself

Finally, realize that forgiveness is incremental in nature. The relationship between a mother and her children is complex, taking many small steps to unravel until the last trace of hurt and anger are gone. Along the way, find ways to bring joy into the relationship right now.

Live in this moment with joy

Enjoy Yourself!

Whether or not you are a mother, you deserve happiness everyday, including Mother’s Day. Start the day with some deep, cleansing breaths and welcome joy into your life. Regardless of who raised you, thank your birth mother for bringing you into the world. Then continue to thank her or whomever cared for you… They helped you arrive where you are today.

If this is just too hard, take one step toward forgiveness by writing out your feelings on paper. Keep writing until you feel better, until the tears come less, until your body says, “That’s enough for today.” Repeat this tomorrow.. or next week.. whatever feels right to you.

Love and blessings,
Dawn