Category: Grief Recovery

Four Empty Chairs

Do you have four empty chairs at your dining table?

Looking back, I have spent my adult life ensuring there was always someone, usually a husband, at my table. That equates to a lifetime of care-giving, and self-sacrifice.

Moving Forward

To move forward, we have to face our fears, and that includes our grief.

Are you afraid:

  • The grief will be so bad, that you’ll never stop crying
  • If you feel less grief, it means you don’t care anymore
  • Sudden, unexpected showers of tears will rain down
  • The grief will worsen if you let your emotions loose

Let me reassure you that grief is the normal reaction to loss. It can be unsettling, but it isn’t something to fear. However, if you have been diagnosed with clinical depression, you must see a licensed therapist.

Let’s Address the Fears

Crying is a way to release tension, anxiety, and grief. So that means, you will stop and feel better when it’s over. Grief doesn’t follow a prescribed pattern. It’s like a roller coaster of emotions, including extreme sadness and joy. It’s okay to laugh.

When grief starts to lose its grip, it doesn’t mean you don’t care. Rather, it means you are starting to heal. This is cause for celebration. And any judgment from others is not welcome. Nor should it be tolerated.

I’m afraid I’ll start crying in public! Well, that’s exactly what happened to me. I was conducting a Garden Tour at Bok Tower Gardens. It was at the end as I talked about the ironwork on the bridges across the moat. The memory of my father, who was a blacksmith, overpowered me. Thankfully, I was facing away from the tour group. Closing my eyes, I took a couple of slow breaths in and out. Then I finished the tour. Four people stayed behind to hug me and reassure me they understood. And it was also a wake-up call. I knew I needed help to heal my grief. I’m very emotional and still tear up at inopportune moments. But I have never felt bad about it. It’s just how I am.

When you express your grief and pain as deeply as you can, it not only allows healing, but it can even make it possible to switch your emotion from feeling sadness to reliving a joyful moment you shared with your loved one.

In Parting

You might find it helpful to set an empty chair at your table during this holiday season. Perhaps add a place card with their name and a favorite photo. Recalling fun times with your loved one might break the tension. And if someone starts crying, let them finish. Then, give them a reassuring hug.

I’d love to hear one of your cherished memories in the comments.

How to Support a Grieving Friend

Today, I am writing and talking about how to support a grieving friend.

Is it challenging to pick up the phone and call them?

If you are experiencing grief, reaching out to others who are also grieving can be healing. Like the photo above, our suffering can be hidden away, but when we support each other, our grief is lessened, and we take a small step forward like the fawns as they move out of the wetland and across the path to lush green grass.

They seem to be different ages. One has distinct spots, while the other’s spots have faded. Do you think they both have mothers? Perhaps one is an orphan, and the other is comforting them.

Overcoming Initial Reluctance

But what do you say to someone grieving without making it worse? Preparation helps.

First, take a few slow, deep breaths to connect to your heart rather than your head.

Then, consider using this outline as a guide.

  • Brainstorm how you will start the conversation.
  • Just listen.
  • Conclude the call by asking if you can call again in a few days.
  • Afterward, make a reminder in your calendar to call again.

How to Support a Grieving Friend

When is the Time Right to Call?

The time to call is now. If they aren’t ready, they won’t answer. If it’s been a few weeks and everyone has returned to their homes and routines, that may be the best time to call.

Before picking up the phone, write what you plan to say. Then you can just read your words.

“Hi, dear friend. It’s Dawn. I was thinking about you today and wondered how you are doing.”

Depending on their day, they may burst out crying. Or perhaps there is complete silence. Regardless, your response is to listen. It’s not necessary to say anything. When you punched in their number, the love in your heart started flowing toward them. And they need your love more than anything you can say.

When we feel nervous about the quiet moments, it’s easy to say something hurtful like, “I know how you feel.” It makes my heart ache to write those words. Regardless of our grief journey, we can never know what anyone else feels. But we can hold space in silence for them to take small steps toward healing their grief.

Knowing When to End the Call

Grieving can be exhausting. The call might end after a few minutes, or perhaps they need to tell the story again.

As you listen, it may feel like it’s time to wind down the call. Or you might feel exhausted and want to end the conversation. That’s okay.

Before you hang up, ask them if it’s alright to call them again in a few days.

Then, please make an appointment or reminder to call them. It will be easier the next time. And if you are also grieving, reaching out to others will heal your grief wounds, too.

If You Found This Helpful

I invite you to sign up for my newsletter below. If you think talking to a Grief Coach will help you heal your grief wounds, let’s start a conversation via email.

How do You Know?

How do you know when you are on the right path toward achieving your life purpose?

This is a question I have been trying to answer for years. Finally, I have a received a clear example to share with you.

How Do You Know?

We have heard that Spirit will show you whether you are on the right path with signs. These signs are unique for you and delivered in a way that makes them apparent. Some delivery methods might be:

  1. A meaningful song comes over the car radio.
  2. An animal exhibits memorable behavior right in front of you.
  3. Someone you’ve never met starts a conversation like you’re an old friend.
  4. Clouds form an unmistakable animal shape.

I used these examples because they happened to me. I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comment section below.

Here is My Example

Relationships are essential in my life and how I will positively impact the world. So, it isn’t surprising that my example involves someone seeking me out. I’m using a pseudonym for this person. Let’s call him Charlie.

The Chance Encounter

I’m watering a newly planted flowerbed in my front yard on a sunny early summer afternoon. A young man in a red pickup truck pulls into my driveway, gets out, and comes toward me with a big smile. I’m intrigued.

“Hi. I’m Charlie, and I noticed that your lawn needs mowing. This week I graduate from high school, and I’m looking for customers for my mowing business to earn money for college and wonder if you are interested.”

This young man’s personality immediately draws me in. Unfortunately, I have someone who currently mows my yard. Charlie and I exchanged phone numbers after I explained that I might need his services if my current yardman doesn’t work out.

He Reaches Out Again

After a few weeks, Charlie texted me.

“Hi, this is Charlie. I stopped by a while ago asking about your yard. I just drove by, and it looked a little high. Do you need it mowed?”

Immediately, I knew Charlie should start mowing my yard. I felt warm in my chest, like my body was telling me, “Yes!”

There Was More, A Lot More

Before Charlie reached out the second time, I realized he was a suicide survivor like me.

Each week I meet him by his equipment trailer for a quick conversation. It’s easy to talk to him with the soil beneath our feet. This grounding effect in the pure country air creates a safe place for Charlie to talk about the events of his brother’s suicide.

Eventually, he starts talking about his parents and their grief.

And I realize my question, “How do you know?” has been answered. Charlie has shown me through his ease with me that I am in the right place. Embracing grief coaching is another step toward living my life purpose.

Coaching is Just a Conversation

Allowing Charlie to voice his thoughts and feelings is the beginning of healing his grief wounds. And when both the client and the coach feel at ease, it’s almost magic.

Next Steps

If you feel connected to the grief coaching process, let’s start a conversation by email at: Dawn@dawnlaurenanderson.com

Take your first step toward healing your grief wounds.