Seven Weeks Later it Happened

For me, seven weeks later, it happened. You think you are progressing well in your grief journey after losing a spouse. Even with the daily bouts of crying, life is returning to ‘normal.’ Then, something brings the sadness back with a vengeance.

Seven Weeks Later, It Happened

For me, it was a phone call from a bereavement counselor with the hospice provider, Compassionate Care. However, the ring had nothing to do with my husband’s hospice. Instead, it was a friend, Jeanne, whom I knew because of my husband. Wayne dated Jeanne, and they remained friends.

Jeanne had asked me long before to act as her health surrogate. In my usual role as caregiver, I readily agreed. As often happens, Jeanne’s cancer didn’t work as expected. She endured for years. As I left Wayne’s memorial service, I received the phone call that Jeanne had been admitted to hospice. She passed eighteen days later.

A Simple Question from a Stranger

Anne, the bereavement counselor, called me last Monday morning, one week after Jeanne passed. She introduced herself and why she was calling.

Then Anne asked, “How are you doing?”

I started to answer when the sobs interrupted me.

Sometimes We Need to Talk

As I talked, Anne listened. She said very little, mainly offering support, honesty, and understanding during the thirty-minute phone call. The truth is that most people don’t want to hear about your grief. They want you to get over your grief and return to the person they love.

Furthermore, your friends want you to be happy. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger who isn’t vested in you. Still, it’s up to us to find how best to move through our grief.

How to Start Moving Out of the Heaviest Feelings

One way is indulging yourself in what has made you feel better in the past. Be aware that sometimes you might have been avoiding the grief. As someone expert in avoidance, I don’t recommend it. However, there are some universal ways to feel better while honoring grief.

  • Get outside.
  • Find ways to feed your personality.
  • Have compassion for yourself.
Claytonia virginica

I’m an extrovert who is creative, observant, curious, and loves research. So my way of moving out of my heaviest feelings was to take a leisurely walk in nature.

Star chickweed

 

Even though the trees were bare, a few flowers peaked out amongst the leaf litter. If you click on the photos, you can see larger photos.

 

Cutleaf toothwort

My self-compassion came when I realized I had overextended my physical limitations. So I stopped often, sat on tree stumps and boulders, and laughed at my attempts to take a selfie.

Final Thoughts

When you feel the grief has returned at a higher pitch, try to flow with it. Give yourself a break. If you are the friend of someone who has lost a loved one, be patient and supportive. We appreciate you more than you know.

I Support You Dear Friend

I support you dear friend. Doesn’t that feel comforting? Indeed, it is comforting both for the recipient and the person giving support.

Why Does This Feel So Good?

As I’ve mentioned before, energy is everywhere. It exists in all living things, Furthermore, energy is the basis of non-living things; rocks, the air we breathe, furniture… everything. Basic chemistry explains the movement of electrons around the nucleus of atoms.

Like the atom, energy has positive and negative aspects. Within living and non-living things, there is a state of equality. Otherwise, the atoms become agitated and start breaking up. Conversely, it’s the state of salt changing when you place it in water. Although it appears to disappear, tasting the water proves it is still there.

What Happened to the Salt?

The state of the salt changed because it separated into its positive and negative components, Sodium (Na+) & Chloride (Cl-), The same type of separation occurs when you dissolve sugar in water. Below is an illustration of how these very small pieces can move across a semipermeable layer. Movement across a layerThink of how a net outside the Great Barrier Reef allows small fish to pass through, while keeping the beaches safe from Great White Shark attacks.

Where Were We?

How do these science examples explain the positive feeling of “I support you, dear friend”?

In the world of energy, my positive feeling of support spread out across the Universe, reaching your energy field. The effect was boosting the volume of positive vibes. The difference between this and the science analogy is I didn’t lose any joy (positive energy) when I sent it to you. Rather it multiplied for me too.

Let’s Try This Together

Although it is great to support others, I’m going to invite you to start with yourself.

  • Sit in a comfortable position where you feel safe
  • Gently close your eyes
  • Slowly breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth
  • Say, “I support you dear (your name)”
  • Feel the positive energy
  • Repeat, repeat, repeat

It is the People You Meet

It is the people you meet that matter most. This is true throughout life, whether on a trip, settling in a new location, or choosing to stay in the county where you were born.

It is the People You Meet in…

The Library

Ashe County A historyWhile seeking help learning about the local history, I met Lee. She and I found common ground with our family names. Actually, my older sister was named for aunts on each side of my parents’ families. Similarly, Lee’s name is a combination of her two grandmothers, ‘Little Elizabeth Ellen’, a perfect diplomatic solution. Pictured is the local history book Lee pulled from the reference stacks, a delectable, detailed history.

Mt. Jefferson State Park

Great lobeliaHoping to find a recommendation for a plant identification book, I chanced upon Wildlife Officer McIntyre in the park office. As I explained my deep appreciation for wildflowers, he was busy writing notes, his blue-green eyes smiling above his mask.

Sharing my photo of a roadside flower near my home, we keyed out great lobelia, Lobelia siphilitica. Consequently, my copy of Newcomb’s Wildflower Guide, is on the way. Another employee showed me how to use my own photos for easy identification in iNaturalist, now an app on my iPhone front screen.

The NEIGHBORHOOD

Neighbors are easy to meet when walking, either for personal exercise or combined with your dog. Sugar and I walk daily along the road in front of the house.

The South Fork of the New RiverWe’ve met Joe and his dog, Bailey, our closest neighbors with a home on our street. Walking the opposite direction, we met Alex and his rescue dog. As rural residents, we are each eager to open our mailbox for the mystery contents. That’s how we met Scooby, the German Shepherd, and his owner, Alex, at an intersection of the South Fork of the New River lined with a row of mailboxes. In fact, the FedEx truck was also there. Yes, we love our delivery people too.

May you enjoy the people you meet this week!